• Format: PC
• Unleashed: Out Now
• Publisher: Lace Mamba Global
• Developer: Cranberry Production
• Players: 1
• Site: http://www.future-games.cz/www/poselsmrti/hlavni-Eng.html

Have you ever entered a conversation halfway through or right at the end? As this is the third instalment of Black Mirror we have to admit to this feeling exactly like our opening question, simply because this is where we’ve entered the storyline. We know it sounds a bit odd, but we have honestly never played the first two games, so we’re going out on a bit of a limb here. Black Mirror 3 opens with a guy running through some woods clutching what looks like a flaming torch. He stops outside a burning mansion in front of two policemen, one of which is Detective Spooner – an inquisitive fellow (he’s in the right job then) who’s about as enlightened as we are concerning the immediate situation. The man holding the torch (that’s you) is then promptly arrested and slung in the village cells, for obvious reasons.

That's right baby! The party never stops here!

Thankfully the main character you play is good at talking to himself and fills in some of the blanks as you go along, although recounting past game characters’ names and various situations only served to make us feel we’d missed out on a week’s worth of Eastenders rather than help us out with any particular clues or puzzles. Still, we’re not trivial worriers by any stretch of the imagination, and so pressed on. As point and click adventures go BM3 makes some good first impressions; the backdrops are beautifully drawn and full of little details that really do a good job of building the atmosphere; tree-tops sway with the wind across the skyline, water ripples and laps at the old stone riverbanks, and mist soaked forest pathways linger on into the obscured distance. Each screen has a visual depth to it that makes the whole place seem just that little bit more sinister, although anyone that lives in the British countryside will probably find all this as threatening as a sheep wearing clown shoes.

If you go down to the woods today...

As Darren/Adrian (yes you have two names and no, we’re still not sure why) you’re tasked with finding the real arsonist/murderer to clear your name and get on with being a physics student, and we all know how stressful being a student is without having to worry about being called a murderer in the test-labs. To do this you will need to enter ’5-year-old-mind-mode’ and question everyone and everything you come across, and although we’re in England there seems to be a strange smattering of accents in the village. The voice acting isn’t exactly bad, but it does seem a little weird. Spooner’s Irish accent seems oddly forced, as do a lot of the “British” accents. Darren/Adrian’s Boston accent feels very out-of-place also, but thankfully the hotel’s receptionist comes to the rescue with a squeaky, camp, Little Britain voice that even when he’s talking about limb-dismemberment manages to make you smile – with a tongue in your cheek of course. On the whole we’d say the voices aren’t all that far off The Blue Toad Murder Files cast, although BM3 is obviously trying to be a lot more intense! Ambient sound on the other hand has been done very well, and all the little things rustling around the forest areas, creaking noises throughout decrepit buildings and the wisps of wind that pass through old iron gate bars all add an extra layer of depth to the animated backdrops.

You like my front yard? I added dead people to brighten up the place!

The progress you make is generally through the usual point and click logic, sticking food menus into letterboxes, putting doughnuts in freezers and jamming rusty keys up pigeon’s bums (we made that last one up, or did we!?). Aside from that there are also the usual bunch of mini-games too, which aren’t quite as forgiving. They’re not mind-melters by any stretch of the imagination but they’ll add some extra time to the game, and they feel like they justify their place rather than being just a time filler. As you progress through the game there will also be cut-scenes that pop up depending on how you deal with various situations, for instance; right at the beginning your cell-mate next door steals your diary and when we decided to ask for it back we were treated with a lovely cut-scene of the protagonist stabbing said cell mate in the eye with a pencil, then grimly smiling about it into the camera. Obviously whatever has happened in the previous games still has some bearing that’s central to the plot line, only we’ve no clue why Darren/Adrian is having these violent visions. In our honest opinion (which is what you’ll always get here) BM3′s story didn’t really pull us in or have us on the edge of our seats but then we are very aware that there’s a lot of back-story we’ve missed out on. Because of this, it was difficult to take a lot of the plot ideas seriously and we found ourselves becoming rather bored around halfway through. We shouldn’t need to tell you this, but it’s obvious that to really get the best from this game, knowledge of the previous two games is really rather essential. So if you’re a fan of the Black Mirror series and know what all the killing while grinning is about, you probably won’t need us to tell you to go out and buy this third instalment. On the other hand, if you’re new to the series we strongly advise picking up the first two before touching this! As we said before, you can’t expect to understand the situation if you enter the conversation at the tail-end and because BM3′s story is tied up with the first two games so vehemently, everything you do here will be actions based on previous story knowledge. So, played the first two games? add two more points, if not take the final score as it is.

What is it that Nintendo are good at? No! Not remaking hardware and selling it off over and over; well they are pretty good at that, but the real answer we were looking for was “cuteness”. Kirby’s Epic Yarn has so much cuteness stuffed inside of it, there’s hardly any room for the magic-laser-light that the Wii needs to read the disc – true fact that.

You’ll begin your adventure in Kirby’s Epic Yarn with one of the most misleading intro levels ever found in recent game design, allow us to explain; Epic Yarn looks soft, it looks pretty. It lures you into such false security at the beginning that any hardened gamer who finds themselves playing it might stop at the early levels claiming it holds no challenge for them. Spend enough time with it though, and like a gremlin hurled into the ocean it’ll make you all stompy, screamy and maybe even a little bit crazy. Anyway, we’ll stop naming nightmarish dwarves and get on with the review…

Epic Yarn is cute. From the soft pastel colour palette to the tinkly dinky goodnight baby mobile music, it oozes so much cuteness that it could make a Pokémon puke on his own shoes. Don’t let its warm fuzzy exterior fool you though, because what lies beneath is a quality platformer. By mixing a bunch of tried and tested 2D platform mechanics this will hold the attention of gamers young and old(er). Making a success of any level means you’ll need to get a good ‘bead count’. Beads are collected much like coins, and one touch of an enemy will send them all flying across the level Sonic rings style, making you scamper around re-collecting them to keep that all important end-of-level score. This is a double whammy mechanic because by collecting beads you’ll not only open the next level, but collect enough and you can open secret levels too. Bragging rights can also be claimed for good ‘streaks’ which involve never being touched throughout a level. So far so good, but where Epic Yarn really shines is in its level design. The whole game is made to look like it’s stitched together with different materials; and little buttons and threads sewn into the scenery can be grabbed, swung from or pulled to bunch the material up and reveal new parts of the level.

Kirby has his ‘inhale’ power dropped this time around but still retains the ability to take on different powers. Dotted around the levels are little patches sewn into the sky that can be removed to reveal swirly wool vortexes that, when entered, give Kirby new forms. These can range from RC buggies, fire engines (with a working hose), choo-choo trains (where you draw the tracks with the Wiimote), massive (but soft and cuddly) battle tanks and even U.F.Os. Each new form presents a different way to play through sections of a level and serve as unexpected, fresh little slices of fun. Almost every level has that ‘one more go for perfection’ appeal, so they’ve included a handy ‘Restart Level’ button within the pause screen – so the instant you touch that same damn enemy you’ll be averted from punching your telly as a restart is seconds away.

We will point this out in BIG BLACK LETTERS though; there are certain levels in this game that no small child will ever get through without help from (a fairly competent) adult. Make no mistake, there isn’t so much a learning curve in some levels but more of a learning fist that will repeatedly punch you in the soft regions for not having the fingers of a pro-gamer. This hidden evil is confined to only a few select levels though, so shouldn’t detract from the whole experience. On the flip side, it’s good to see they’ve put something in for the more skilled players; although it could be argued that those with the skill to ace these odd levels will never look in Kirby’s direction due to the sheer glare of cuteness it exudes. The last time we set eyes on a game this cute was back on the N64 in the form of Yoshi’s Story and very few ‘hardcore’ gamers went near it, to no one’s surprise.

Kirby’s Epic Yarn should take a regular gamer just 3-4 hours to complete, but there is huge replay value here for those who crave perfection or want to see every level the game has to offer. Also worthy of mention are the challenge levels that will see you replaying parts either collecting a certain amount of beads against a time limit, carrying someone to a designated spot within a time limit, playing a game of hide-and-seek or defeating a certain number of enemies (you guess it) within a time limit. Knowledge of level structure and how best to deal with each kind of bad guy in these challenges are key here, and give the game a much longer lease of life.

We’ll just mention also there was some confusion before Epic Yarn’s release over the fuzzy-felt stick-it-where-you-wanna screen shots. Well, these are ‘apartments’ for the challenge room hosts, who demand certain collectible furniture in their rooms before any challenge can be attempted (makes perfect sense to us!). If you’re a proud Wii owner who’s perfectly used to this level of cuteness, we’d happily advise you to purchase this game for it will offer challenge, fun and charm. This is an amalgamation of lots of successful game ideas all balled up into an adorably soft ball of fun – but be warned, there are needles in there and to get the most out of it you’ll need to learn to float like a thread-in-a-breeze and sting like a knitting needle!

There’s been a huge burst of news articles surrounding the PSP2, or ‘NGP’ as its working name has it known. All eyes are trained on the upcoming fight between the 3DS and NGP; who will prosper and who will fail abysmally? Questions you should hold back for another article, because right now we’ll be looking at what’s in store for the underdog of the handheld world of consoles, namely the PSP. It’s well known in the gaming world that the PSP didn’t do “all that well” so to start off lets look at some of the figures. So far the PSP has sold around 66 million units; that’s a fair amount of hardware in the hands of the general public, but in comparison to the DS/DSi/DSiXL line it seems fairly small potatoes. The combined sold DS units add up to a staggering 145.2 million units so far and are still selling well, so it’s no wonder that gamers are expecting another repeat of history when it comes to the new contenders. As mentioned above however, we’re here to look at the bigger picture of the story and not just how the new guys will fare.

"It's a PSP Jim, but not as we know it!"

66 million units is nothing to be smugly snorted at, the money generated from these sales on hardware alone is a pretty penny to be sure. The software for the PSP has always been said to be a little lacklustre, but looking at what’s on offer for the PSP now we see a great line up for any newcomer. As some of you will know the PSN has a “PSP Essentials” list including games such as Wipeout Pulse, LocoRoco, Patapon 1 &2, Burnout Legends, Everybody’s Golf and Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters. Those listed are by no means all there are on offer, the downloadable list comes to around 75 games in total and is growing by the week – but that’s just the Essentials list that also comes in real world flavours. We know Sony have been busy adding to their new minis range also, which runs into around the 200 games mark so far, and these are much cheaper than full retail released games (though, it has to be said, are still a bit more expensive than the App Store offerings) and includes big-hitters from the App Store such as Edge, Bloons, Angry Birds and Shift. There are also various services that Sony have offered the PSP audience including a Skype mode, mobile radio networks, downloadable movies, media Go and interactive comics, and all this combines to give the user something that can be utilised as not just a mobile games console, but a very useful multimedia device.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I can't hear you because I'm talking on a PSP, the wrong way"

So why then, did the PSP “fail”? Too much to offer perhaps and thereby confusing the market, or not enough support from it’s birth? Whatever the reasons, I’m convinced it’s about to take a U-turn from its trend. The Essentials list I mentioned before has been steadily dropping in price over the last few months, going from around £9.99 to a more wallet pleasing £6.99 or less. Could this be a sly move being made by Sony to position the PSP toward a much more purse-friendly price point? The ever-growing minis catalogue is also becoming stronger by the day, and has been subject to various sales over the winter months bringing prices down again to around the £0.99 mark rather than its hefty £2.99 price points. With the new NGP and Xperia (or Sony Phone) close to release it would make good business sense to offer the lesser PSP models for much, much less. What this will then do is allow the technophiles to revel in their new hardware and argue over which is better, but also give those with a lesser budget or interest a chance to break into the handheld world of gaming with much less financial risk. The new Xperia phone will also bring access to some of the games mentioned previously but also allow users to surf the Andriod market too, effectively giving people an alternative to Apple’s massive world dominating App Store. So, all well and good but keeping on track with the PSP, what does that mean for the unloved device?

"It's just an experiment!" I cried. But no one would listen

It seems Sony have another little trick up their collective sleeve, going by the name of PS Suite. There hasn’t been too much talk about this around the internet but it’s known to be a “cross-device content delivery service” opening up a huge amount of content for the Xperia and NGP. It also means any smart phone will be able to utilise Sony’s massive back catalogue of games and thereby offering their content to a huge new user base; but I digress, we’re talking about the PSP here and as such I’m hoping the device won’t be left out of this loop. My reasoning is this; as PS Suite brings access to PS games en mass, the PSP will hopefully be reconsidered by new users. By allowing access to the minis range and a host of PS1 classics, rather than pinching a few for your smart phone and “making do”, new users might consider buying a (new low price) PSP for dedicated gaming. It’s a bit of a long shot I know, but it could happen. There’s no denying the face of mobile gaming hasn’t just had a bit of cosmetic surgery, but rather an entire head-transplant, and as this becomes glaringly obvious companies such as Sony and Nintendo will have to evolve to survive. Sony seem to be making the right steps this time, and those who insist the NGP should be priced alongside the new DS are missing the point. The PSP and 3DS are already nearly on a graphical par, obviously the 3DS has a lot more power (and its 3D screen) but its price will reflect that. What the PSP has in relation to that is a huge back catalogue that’s still growing today, not to mention its versatile nature which allows much more to be done with it. A PSP might be “too clunky” or “awkward” for most commuters to bring with them during their daily travels, but I wonder how fast that attitude would change if it only cost £50 or £60 to buy brand new.

If Sony reposition the humble PSP to a price that’s attractive, while bringing awareness to a larger audience via PS Suite, the PSP might just get another gust into its sails (see what I did there!?). At this time of writing the PSP is currently leading the sales pack in Japan thanks to Monster Hunter, and once the big boys come out to play (namely the NGP and 3DS) those who scoff at the price of the new machines might feel a little more shop-smart by buying a PSP instead. With the declining prices of the Essentials list, access to a growing minis list, and continued support who would blame them? If Sony can get their marketing right this time (hey! You never know) and make it known that it’s possible to play their games on either a generic smart phone, the home-grown Xperia, the NGP or any model of PSP it should be easy for anyone with any budget to gain access to the majority of their software. Who knows, the PSP might one day see that 100 million mark too!

I want one, but can't afford one. Can you?

You know that frustration factor when you’ve gone into your local coffee house to pick up your morning pick-me-up, you ask for your usual; you watch it get made and as the person behind the counter hands it over to you, you reach for your wallet and… it’s not there!? The buck stops right there with you clutching at your bum in a vain attempt to somehow will your wallet back into existence, but it just won’t happen. With no paper, no plastic and no charm you just have to watch that lovely coffee get poured down the sink in front of you. It’s a strange analogy, but – “welcome to my life as a poor gamer”!!!

Maybe I should explain further for you rich folks scratching your expensive-hair-product-lathered heads; I have been watching games like Test Drive Unlimited 2, LBP2, L.A Noire, The Last Guardian, and so on come into being from their conception. I have followed the developer’s videos, scoured the internet for new bites of info, trawled through reams of fanboy forum fights to root out those precious little truffles of information that give a better idea of what’s to come, and why? Because I love gaming, because I am a gamer through and through. I thrive on the new experiences created for us by the biggest media industry we have today. Also, because I have an oddly insatiable appetite for new, shiny things – hey, it’s part of my DNA okay! I can’t help it! The downside (and explanation part) to this, is my coffee house analogy.

I’ve been there watching these games being created, I’ve imagined the possibilities of the game in question – imagined playing it, I’ve anticipated the cost and put a little something to the side, I’m sure I can cover it and just as it’s announced for release I realise that I can’t afford it! An unexpected bill for council tax or the garage bill from ages ago, someone you owe money to or something unrelated but financial gets in the way. And just like that, the possibility of it all is gone. Don’t feel bad. You’ve only been following its creation in anticipation for what, two years? You can surely find the money in another six or so months once it drops in price, right? At least that’s what I keep telling myself, hell, I even manage to put a positive spin on it and make the whole situation sound intentional.

“Oh, sure! I always hang back to see how well a game does before I buy it”

Or there’s always the famous…

“By holding back for half a year, I can pick up fairly new games at almost half the price they were at launch – yay me!”

Rubbish! Twaddle! Codswallop!!! If I had the dosh, I’d fill my bath full with new releases and roll around in them naked, then grin as I sold them on to GAME later on. Seriously though for us “poor” gamers it can be a hard struggle at times, and especially when there are multiple AAA titles being released simultaneously. Thankfully the industry knows better than to tread on its own feet (most of the time) so they come out bit by bit. Yet it’s always the same; month after month I watch as title after title passes me by and I’m left reading about other people’s experiences with these games. Usually derogatory, usually whiny comments about how there’s not enough blood or how it fails completely because the draw distance is a little off. Spoiled brats.

The situation isn’t getting any better either, with pay-per-month plans becoming more popular for MMOs or online passes looking increasingly common for new games. Then there’s the obligatory DLC packs to flesh out the game you just dropped 40 smackers on; what, only £4.99 for a few new maps!? The essential £40 a year just to access the multiplayer aspect of Xbox games and the “take it or leave it” £40 for a year of PSN Plus. The 3DS is said to be placed into the £250 category on release; who knows what the NGP (PSP2) will cost. Add to all this the worrying trend of download only games that cost roughly the same as their physical counterparts (minus the cost of shipment, printing, packaging etc.) and you get a very stressed, very sad, “poor” gamer watching his entertainment get poured down the sink of finance in front of him.

There’s no doubt that the secondhand market makes an impact on a developer’s final financial result, but is it really so damaging that they are “pushed” into doing things like release-timed content? I understand that as an incentive, but that train of thought could lead to nasty consequences for late adopters. Take for example Dragon Age: Origins on PS3. There was extra content available but only for a certain length of time which meant you either bought the game at full price now, or wait for a price to suit your purse and miss out on the extra “free” stuff. Should this kind of baiting be allowed within this industry? Wouldn’t there be an outcry if the BBC were allowed to show the full version of a film, but every other TV company could only show a cut version after a set amount of time?

There’s no escaping that in this day and age, games can cost a lot of money to produce, the kind of money that your little bank account is unable to comprehend. It cost Naughty Dog around 20 million (apparently) to make Uncharted, and about the same was needed for Killzone 2; MGS4 was rumoured to be nearly twice that amount. We could break it all down and work out who gets what slice of the pie but then I’d just be procrastinating my point, which is; being poor and being a gamer sucks donkey balls… BIG TIME!

• Format: PS3 (version tested), Xbox 360
• Unleashed: Out Now
• Publisher: Ubisoft
• Developer: Ubisoft Montreal
• Players: 1 (plus multiplayer)
• Site: http://www.ubi.com/UK/default.aspx

Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood has been waited on with baited breath this year; some have been saying they expect it to be AC 2.1 with mutiplayer tacked on, but thankfully this is not the case. ACBH picks up exactly where we left AC2, but with Ezio seeing off an attack from the Borgia at his home, which sets this AC’s story in motion and sees us travelling to Rome. Rome is a huge sprawl of rooftops, waterways, tiny lanes and roaming countryside. Because of its size, there’s the option to ride your horse within the city walls. Although not the most graceful or low-key form of travel for an assassin in a pedestrian heavy street, it is still quite liberating being able to bustle plebeians out of your way by riding straight through them. You can also summon your horse at any time wherever you like, with the exception (obviously) of rooftops, flagpole tips, cliff faces etc. We’re told horseshoes don’t have the best grip for scaling towers. Ah yes, towers! There are now “control towers” dotted around the landscape that keep the Borgia influence right in the face of the population. These can be destroyed and reclaimed first by finding the main general of the tower and dispatching him, then climbing and burning the tower to complete the conversion. This adds an extra dimension of strategy, where conversions of these towers will make later missions easier to handle. In fact, strategy plays a large part in almost every aspect of ACBH. The new addition of recruiting assassins to your cause and having them at your beck and call at almost any time means you never have to murder anyone again, but then, where’s the fun in that!?

Having assassins at your command however comes with responsibilities; firstly you need to train them up, and this involves using carrier pigeons to deliver contracts to each member. The missions they go on are hand picked by you, who will have considered their current abilities, strengths and weaknesses and so on, building them up through the ranks until they reach Assassin. You will also manage their equipment, giving them better weapons and armour – even deciding the colours they wear. Then there’s the combat side of things. Bringing them into fights with you that you can’t handle alone is very useful, but only if they are able to handle it themselves. If you’re up against five or six elite guards and you call in a low level assassin, he/she’s not likely to even last the fight and with their death you’ll be set back to finding and recruiting a new member, and building them up all over again. You can also take on assassin missions yourself if you’re feeling particularly bloodthirsty. Not only this, but there are other guilds to manage with their own missions to sink your blades into.

The Thieves Guild will have you trailing and killing executioners, intercepting passing information or proving your worth in checkpoint races. Then there are the Courtesan Guild missions and a fight club where bare fist fights are done for money. Each of these have certain sub-requirements to meet like “pick 225 pockets” so there’s no shortage of things to do in each guild. There’s also the “Building Rome” meta game which involves restoring and investing in the blacksmiths, art merchants, doctors, tailors, banks, stables and Guild buildings once the Borgia influence has been dealt with. If you still have cash left over from buying shops, armour, weapons, art or poisons you’ll be glad to know you can also purchase large landmarks like the Pantheon or the Colosseum. There are Leonardo missions too, which have been sectioned into parts where the objective is to destroy his war machines in each mission. These will see you dishing out hot cannonball mayhem in a circular tank or bombing Borgia strongholds via flying contraptions of death! There are virtual training modes to hone your skills with, and medals to obtain from each. All of this, on top of the main storyline (and DLC missions) makes the complaint the AC games before “didn’t have much to do in them” sound like a childish whine and we haven’t started talking about the new multiplayer aspect yet!

The fighting mechanics have had another overhaul too; this time Ezio can be much more aggressive. Instead of waiting for a counter-move to present itself you can build up a chain of kills, so by pulling off a couple of counter moves you can then start attacking with one-hit-kills which leads to you being able to flawlessly take out any number of high ranking guards within minutes. In short, there is no aspect of this game that hasn’t been improved since the last effort, and the results are nothing short of overwhelming; AC 2.1 indeed…

As for the multiplayer there are various modes including Play Now, Ranked and Private Matches. Wanted Mode (6-8 players) sees you killing Templar targets for high scores; Alliance Mode has you grouped into teams of two for rounds where you kill as many on the opposite side as possible within a time limit. Targets are identified via a small picture in the corner of the screen, and you’re given a compass that shows their direction and distance from you. Red markers show pursuers, and blue markers show secondary targets like other team members. There are 17 playable characters (some unlockable) and additional perks (12 in total) and abilities (8 thereof) to unlock with XP such as better speed, better blending or faster climbing – two of which can be used at a time. There’s a good selection of maps that include places like Firenze, Forli, Roma and Venice, as well as varied custom options for Profile and Personas to (we’re not sure why) stand out from the crowd. If anything Ubisoft Montreal have listened to feedback and given their fans exactly what they’ve asked for, and as a result have infinitely improved AC. Now if only every developer could do that!

• Format: iPhone, iPod Touch
• Unleashed: Out Now
• Publisher: Bulkypix
• Developer: Pastagames
• Players: 1
• Site: http://pixnlovepublishing.com/topic/index.html
  

Anyone here remember green-screens? Okay, how about the Game & Watch series? Gameboys, Tetris!? Ah, right, okay now I’ve got your attention. Well, honestly if you can’t remember these then half this game will be wasted on you! Pix n’ Love Rush is a game from nowhere, and its roots are actually publishers of books on gaming history. Starting in France three years ago, they became a well known source for the archaeology of games and have recently decided to go international. One of their “check-mate” moves for global recognition has been to release an iPhone game bearing their name, Pix n’Love (Rush).

Pix n’ Love Rush has an instant feel of quality at the intro screen and as most gamers with an iPhone will know that quality feel is hard to come by, most of the time. The infinite mode here is inaccessible off the bat, and the only option open is ’5min play’, which serves as a tutorial and a goal of skill to reach before hitting the full-on infinite mode. It’s laid out like a scrolling platformer and as such, the controls are as simple as an Old Skool game should be; run right, run left, jump and shoot. Though you can only shoot up, the projectiles come back down at an angle and this lends itself to more tactful progression as you’ll quickly have to learn. You can also hurt yourself with your own shots, so they need to be well timed and if you miss, pay attention for their return or you will ruin your own combo-streak. Be warned, this is gaming from yesteryear where you will be punished for incompetence!

There are many phases that Pix n’ Love Rush will run through as you progress which are determined by your combo-counter. Obviously the better you do the higher your combo rises but this is where the magic is; each time you hit a new combo ‘block’ (x2, x5 and then x10) the graphics take a turn to a new era of gaming history. The effect is really second to none, as you score your way through the years of Red L.E.D, Green-screens, 8-Bit and L.C.D displays with a transition that rarely puts you off your stride. Smiles will dawn on faces as homage is paid to certain games that stood above all others in their heyday, and gritted teeth and frowns will stretch the facial features as the unrelenting pace and demand for pixel perfect jumps are coaxed from the player. Underpinning all this is a clever little programme that randomises each level, so you’ll be continually tested. The music too is more than worthy of praise; joyful chip-tunes that hark back to a lost era of computer made music are fitted perfectly into Pix n’Love’s ambience.

Sadly, as usual the iPhone’s touch controls are what let this fantastic little game down the most. Why the Left and Right ‘buttons’ aren’t further away from each other is a little confusing, more so is why the jump and fire buttons are so far apart! These two oddities lead to silly mistakes being made frequently and continually detract from that “Perfect” score at the end of each level, as do falling down holes and running into enemies that are covered by your thumbs, which all can be blamed on the iPhone as a platform itself. What Pix n’ Love Rush does do well though is pay its respects to gaming’s history, and it does so with love, class and affection.

4/5

• Format: PSP
• Unleashed: Out Now
• Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment
• Developer: Studio Cambridge
• Players: 1
• Site: http://www.littlebigplanet.com/

When LittleBigPlanet was in development a lot of people laughed at it; people said it would fail, tragically. Why would you want to have to make your own levels? How could a side scrolling platformer survive in this world of CoDs, GTAs and Drake’s Fortunes? Well, now that it’s had time to root itself into the PlayStation community what we see today tells a different story, one where LBP has amassed a ton of fans and if two million or so levels won’t convince you of its popularity then we’re lost on how to persuade you of it.

Following in the original LBP’s footsteps comes the PSP version, and from the moment you switch it on and hear Mr. Fry’s voice, you know it’s going to be fun. The first level from the main selection is sure to make you smile, as the similarity to its bigger brother is uncanny. What you see on-screen is as close to the PS3 version as the PSP could possibly muster and that is a very good thing. As you traverse the levels, you’ll find them to be a little trickier than what you might be used to and the omission of a third ‘plain’ will become obvious within the first twenty minutes to those who have played this on PS3. Not that this is a terrible problem, but what it means is that the developers have had to come up with some devilishly cunning level design to compensate.

PSP LBP certainly carries the same charm and warmth as its predecessor and you’ll soon find yourself leaping, grabbing and pulling switches quite merrily like there’s no such thing as a PS3. No doubt on your journey you’ll be left looking at the screen with a quizzical expression resembling the old Cat Vs Balloon conundrum while wondering how to obtain those out-of-reach prize bubbles from time to time, but you’ll be safe in the knowledge that you can return for them later. Themes within the levels are similar to the first game but diverge with things such as Egyptian, Australian and Hollywood themes, all of which encompass varying degrees of fun stuff ranging from construction sites, camel and dragon rides, theme parks, giant robots and even Mission Impossible parody levels. These are stuffed with tricky platforms (but never too tricky) and silly humour that will keep you playing right through to the end.

The level creator is where you’ll likely be heading to straight after (or even before) you complete the other pre-made levels. Now before we go any further, we’d like to point out that we’re not saying the level creator is broken exactly, just a little under par with what we’re used to. There are the perfectionists amongst us and nowhere is that more obvious than in the PS3 LBP online community levels, if you feel you’re one of them then you’d better listen up: First off copying and pasting objects with ease is out! You’ll have to capture it, poppit, select it, then paste it, no more L3-ing for you! Also, once you’ve made that object – that’s it stuck at that size. If you want a smaller version then you’ll have to make it all over again. Stickers will only go on the front of objects, they won’t wrap around them and they won’t stick to score bubbles, entrances or continue doors. Our biggest problem with the level creator; you can’t draw shapes! You can’t draw or make something just by moving the nub around and holding ‘X’, to make a unique shape you’ll have to draw out the basic outline with a small square or circle attached to a locked grid then use the corner editor to mould the basic shape into what you want. If the shape is too complex (which is often the case) the Line Re-shaper tool can get a little confused, not only making it difficult to make natural looking shapes, but changing them with any precision can be frustrating. Really we only found other small limitations concerning the creation aspect, things like not being able to change the size of the score or prize bubbles, and it seemed we could only put our own creations in prize bubbles too. Our other gripe was not being able to skip the tutorials; luckily we find Stephen Fry to be rather amusing, so we didn’t complain too much! With all that said, the ‘Static’ and ‘Dynamic’ selections are a welcome change. Choosing the Static option will allow any material to hover/float like dark matter from the PS3 game which we found rather useful.

If you stick with it all of the above can be forgiveable (it just makes the creation aspect of LBP a little longer and more fiddly than it should be) but once you re-programme your brain to compensate, creating unique and fun levels will glean the same pride and sense of accomplishment as it once did before, or if you’re new to LBP and don’t have a PS3, ignore everything we’ve said in the last few minutes and just get creating! If you get bored of that, or if creating isn’t your thing, then there’s a load of other pre-created levels to download made by other people too. Failing that, there’s a whole bunch of other stuff to download from the PSP network including costumes, level kits and other stuff.

What all this amounts to is one of the most expansive games available for the PSP, and at a general price of £25 you really can’t go wrong with it.

If we were to take what the general media say as gospel about computer games, then we’d all be goths and emos with an unhealthy fascination with guns, death and grievous bodily harm. The fear of games and the incentives they carry has been around since their creation and as all parents “know”, their children are unable to make informed choices, are easily influenced by anything as long as it’s on a TV screen of some kind and are generally pretty dumb. At least that’s the message I get from the majority of parents when they’re asked about computer games and their kids. In the mid 80′s and 90′s the biggest complaint a parent could have about their child playing games was how “antisocial” they were. While it’s true that a lot of my childhood was spent in a dark bedroom figuring out pokes for games (if you think I’m being dirty, ask a gamer over 30), perfecting SF2 moves or finding all the warp pipes in Mario, there was a fair amount of time spent round at friends’ houses swapping games, playing against each other, or helping each other with difficult bits. Going further back in my life, the arcades were always a place of vibrant chitter-chatter and were abundant with people of varying ages, though we (me and my friends) always stuck around each other and kind of swarmed about different arcades like manic bees full of sugar, we met loads of other kids near our ages too. The idea of games being an antisocial thing was so far from my mind at that stage I’d have laughed right in your face if you even suggested such a notion to me.

How the arcades should be

With all that said however, there was the 90′s. When games started to get bigger and more involving than just a simple display of button memory skill, a new breed of gamers began to emerge. When games like Zelda and Final Fantasy really got into their stride, gamers (though the term ‘Gamer’ wasn’t even really coined back then) began to find true fascination in these massive, new virtual playgrounds they had been given the gate keys to. The truth is though, that the whole world had become obsessed with the idea of living with virtual reality and what computers were now capable of doing for us. TV shows and films depicting VR began to spring up everywhere, things like The Lawnmower Man and the Matrix made us believe that VR was a thing to be feared (yet undeniably cool) while TV shows such as Cyberworld or Knightmare and to some extent GamesMaster, showed us that there was a lot of fun to be had with it.

"With this new telescope, I can see up alien's bottoms" said Patrick Moore; probably

Yet still the dreary teenager sat alone (as he always has) playing with his joystick in a dark room away from prying eyes. It would be fairly safe to say that it was the 90′s that singlehandedly cattle branded gaming as a solitary and selfish fulfilment, but just around the corner online multiplayer lay in wait.

The question is, WHAT IS THAT MAN PLAYING WITH???

By the time the space year 2000 arrived we (gamers) had become connected and in doing so, it quickly became the most social hobby available. If you know anyone that scoffs at you because you’re into gaming just ask them if they’re on Facebook/Myspace/Twitter and if they deny that then ask them if they’ve ever sent a text message, because all of these are lesser versions of how gamers communicate with each other all the time (only we do it with a bit more sophistication). If they tell you they’ve never sent a text then you might as well be talking to an antique vase.

Our Connected World

Gaming has connected so many people across the globe that I’d dare say it’s responsible for thousands (if not millions) of friendships, relationships and even marriages. It’s one of the fastest moving industries today and makes a considerable amount more money than the behemoth that is the film industry. From things like Second Life and PSN Home to games like LittleBigPlanet, ModNation Racers and Spore (let’s not forget the massive PC modding community) it can bring out the imaginative side of us and makes us want to share our creations with each other, though it can bring out the ugly side of humanity (I’m looking at you, racist foul-mouthed online T-Baggers) but most of all; it enriches us, keeping us together having fun. Sure, it was harder to admit you were a gamer in the 80′s and meeting those of the same frame of mind was difficult, and we had a little hiccup with our more solitary bedroom antics of the 90′s, but now look at us all! Have we not become a deeply entwined worldwide community of individuals that get together just to be in each other’s company? I for one can’t wait to see what this gaming empire will bring to the social side of humanity in the future.

• Format : PSP (version reviewed), PS3, iPhone
• Unleashed : Out Now
• Publisher : StormBASIC
• Developer : StormBASIC
• Players : 1
• Site : http://www.stormbasic.com/

Sony’s answer to the iPhone/Touch has been a strange and twisted “yelp”, like a griffin getting his foot jammed in a doorway. Instead of releasing a new all-singing all-dancing PSP, they took the current one they had and ripped bits out of it. Then they flattened it with a steamroller (or maybe even a rolling pin, the jury’s still out on that) and sold it for even more than the one with its bits still attached! The PSPGo’s apparent saving grace and Sony’s answer to the games in the iTunes store is the minis series. It’s here that you will find Tehra Dark Warrior.

Dragons; no fantasy adventure would be complete without them

The opening story reads much like an old text adventure which seems rather strange, unless you’re under 25 and think a ‘text adventure’ is something you do with your latest lover. As the game opens up it becomes instantly reminiscent of the N64 era in its lighting, colours and shadow which (for a mini) is quite a pleasant surprise. What you get on-screen are fairly chunky and solid looking graphics; a tad too ugly for the big screen but rather pleasant on the PSP and let’s be fair, that’s where you’re going to be playing it. Less of a surprise is Tehra herself, a tattooed warrior-goddess type who thought the most suitable armour to fight hoards of Orcs in would be the string from her morning mail package delivery. The music, it must be said, is done with panache and sets the tone for the huge undertaking of Tehra’s job, to destroy the dark forces; you know the deal. Crescendos of orchestral magnitude conjure the feeling of battles that belong in Lord of the Rings, and when combined with some of the artwork within the storytelling text screens it really makes you want to kick some medieval fantasy ass. That, sadly, is where the promise ends because once you start playing there will be a shadow of darkness so big that no sheepskin-G-string can turn your attention away from it.

Going on dates with Tehra was always difficult

Tehra’s little trick throughout the game is being able to turn herself into a demon which means a nastier, meaner and more unpleasant version of herself (and also blue-er!). What this boils down to is a few seconds of unblockable attacks and almost invincibility by pressing the left shoulder button. Sounds good? Well, apart from those mentioned above there aren’t any other up-shots. No extra moves or magic, just the same basic slash, slash, slashing that you do as-per-normal and believe us; there’s a lot of slashing. There are a few set moves for her slashfest which are: up high slashing, down low slashing, and a general in-your-face slashing. There is magic to try and mix it up a bit and although the fire/electric magic moves are upgradeable, they still feel underwhelming and even unresponsive to use.

Keep slashing, keep slashing, keep slashing....

Unresponsive; that’s really the best word for the controls on the whole, as you’ll notice when trying to block incoming attacks. The timing window you have to deflect attacks is so minimal you’re best off putting your hope into your dodge button. If only that worked. The camera puts itself in such awkward places that when faced with multiple enemies, just seeing who’s attacking can be hard, let alone dodging projectile attacks at the same time as fighting. Tehra Dark Warrior has a lot of nice ideas, even if they are mostly found in every other fantasy RPG. Its biggest shortcomings though are in its fight mechanics. Clunky and slow controls combined with awkward camera moments really let this down, lord knows how this plays on the iPhone!

2/5

Do you remember the 90′s console generation? Can you remember reading in magazines about the beautiful game-shaped fruits that the Americans and Japanese enjoyed while we (the Europeans) ate mouldy old cheese-shaped floor sweepings for our offerings from their shores? Well, we did get some nice scraps sent our way sometimes but even those had bits chopped out or borders added on. Basically we lived by the old saying your granny used if you complained; “you’ll eat what you’re given, and enjoy it!”. Ah, those were the days. In truth though, we’re still in those days.

Kennn! You said you knew a FUN place to fight!

I recently had a little look at the American PSN Home spaces, and I have to say that I was shocked at what I saw; In fact I was more than shocked, disgusted even. The amount of stuff on offer to the Americans far and away out-weighs what our collective countries get. Lets just remind ourselves which countries make up the European slice of Sony’s market shall we…

Germany, France, U.K, Italy, Spain, Netherlands, Belgium, Sweden, Switzerland, Poland, Norway, Austria, Greece, Ireland, Finland, Portugal, Romania, Hungary, Croatia, Bulgaria, Cyprus, Latvia, Iceland…

I could go on (I’m sure there are about 44 countries) but I think you’re seeing my point here. I know that America’s a big place and I know they have a lot of disposable income, but do we Europeans really spend that much less than them on DLC in comparison? Just to clear things up here, I’m not sore because I can’t buy a fancy non-existent sofa for my non-existent flat so that my non-existent-self can be more comfortable. I’m sore because ever since I was a child I’ve looked on in envy at our foreign brothers and sisters who seem to get a bigger, tastier slice of gaming goodness and at cheaper prices too. Still going with the PSN Home thing, most furnishings in the American shops cost around the $0.99 mark (that’s about 60p to us Brits), whereas the same things cost us around £1.59. Also, those ‘cubes’ we were all seeing in Home’s shops that seemed to do nothing, they’re ‘value packs’ and they’ve been taken away from the European Home spaces presumably because all Europeans live in mud huts and still trade with chickens or various bits of flotsam they’ve found floating around near their house (sorry, hut) and therefore don’t deserve them. The American Home mall also has all its shop spaces filled with things like the LucasArts shop, Loot shop, Exclusives shop and an E.A shop; whereas ours is more reminiscent of a forgotten Glaswegian high street with its windows boarded up. They also have The Gamer’s Lounge, where you can do a Q&A session with various game developers from time to time and I’m sure we’ve all heard of the more advanced Namco Museum area they have in comparison to us. Actually, instead of just giving us the Namco Museum as a free space like America we’ve been given it as a separate download for the cheap, cheap price of £7.99. As for private Home spaces they get yachts, villas and beach resorts all with a tonne of extra stuff like the ‘value packs’ full of clothes and furnishings for each space at a much, much cheaper price than us. They get wall-hangings and pictures, rugs and carpets, appliances and even TV studios. While the E.U spaces and shops are as barren and empty as a hooker’s pocket in comparison.

If you look closely, you can see tumble-weed

Forgive me for focusing on Home as an example but it’s here that the contrast is obvious, I could mention games that have no rightful place in grotty European hands such as Afrika or Aquanaut’s Holiday but that would probably get a ‘so what’ reaction from most U.K gamers, as the PS3 has no region lock and can be bought online. Most Brits that have had any interaction with PSN Home generally shrug their shoulders in reaction to it, and say it’s as useful as a dried pile of bat vomit if asked what they think. Maybe if we were given the same volume of content as our gaming siblings across the pond we’d be a bit more enthusiastic about it. I used to welcome this new, always-connected-with-the-rest-of-the-world vision where my gaming was concerned, because it was supposed to mean we (as Brits at least) would finally get our sweet slice of game-pie that the others allow themselves, and yet it seems we’re still getting a raw deal regardless of how easy it is to distribute DLC across the globe.

Yachts for USA, sweet FA for EU

Now some of you might say that the language barrier is still a problem for games and while this is understandable, I still can’t get my head around why we (the EU) have less films, mini games or game add-ons in our online stores that don’t need any interpretation (save subtitles). Certainly in Home’s case a bunch of hats or T-shirts wouldn’t require much in the way of reiteration for a few different languages, surely? I’ve always supported PSN’s Home because it can bring awareness about games, films and events to the masses, but more importantly it can bring gamers together in a familiar environment and allow them to discuss their favourite past-time. However, after looking to see how much greener the grass on the other side actually is, I’ve been reminded that we are still treated as separate entities because of our global positioning. So it begs the question, why does our brave new world of connectivity still impose these old-fashioned barriers on our gaming community?

Answers on a postcard please.