8 Realms is a browser based real-time strategy game from Jagex Game Studios, which is free to play. Anyone familiar with The Settlers or Civilisation games will know what to expect, and players are tasked with building their empires from the humble Ancient age through to the high tech Future age. So is it worth spending your time on, when there are already so many other well-established games in the genre?

You begin the game by planting the foundations of your civilisation in a colourful glade with help from the wonderfully named Gary, who is basically your guide on how to play the game. Gary helps you navigate the menus, and makes suggestions on what you should do next. The menu system is clean and easy to use, and is very user friendly, which will help new players feel immediatly at home. The game world is viewed from an isometric viewpoint which works well, and lets you see the whole of your empire without any need to change camera angles etc. The graphics are functional, with a pleasant cartoony look to them. When you build your structures on the squares available, the area is animated with your townsfolk working away on the scene. Each ‘square’ is a self-contained part of the society, and you don’t need to worry about road systems to connect the various amenities together. The main aim of the game consists of constructing and researching to gain culture to help you progress to the next age. To reach the next age you need to reach 100% culture, and then build a Wonder to cement your empire. The 8 Realms of the title signifies the 8 different ages that you progress through. Ancient is obviously the first age, and as you progress you pass through the Classical, Feudal, Renaissance, Imperial, Industrial, Modern and finally Future ages.

Our mate Gary! Your number two.

As is the norm in these games, resource management is key to creating an all-conquering empire. You start the game with three resources: food, wood and stone. To earn these resources you need to build farms, lumber mills and quarries on the relevant squares where these resources are available. Unfortunately these buildings can take a very long time to build in real time, which slows down the gameplay. You can get gems which help speed up the process – but you need real money. These buildings are upgradeable, and you can add extra structures if you need more of a certain resource. The other main resource is Gold, which you gain by taxing your local population. This can be adjusted if you need extra finance, but don’t expect the local population to be too happy, as our own coalition government recently found out! You do have the option to appease the populous by building things to keep them happy. Building a library is an important aspect to your gameplan (take note Clegg and Cameron), as with it you can research new technology (um…), which gives you access to new building structures, classes of people and other bonuses. Research is laid out in a tree-like structure, where you need to research certain things to enable you to branch out into other areas.

Your kingdom is quite compact and bijou.

Once you have sustained your main city, you can then expand out into the wider world, where there are pockets of hostile barbarians who defend much needed resources. Once you have built up your army, through research and resources, you can raid or capture these outposts, and build your own trade outpost. Be warned though barbarians can attack these captured outposts, so you need to ensure that you have adequate defences to repel them. Unfortunately all the battles in 8 Realms are carried out automatically, and you don’t get to see any of the battles that ensue. It’s just a case of waiting to see if your troops triumph or are sent home in disgrace, with a Battle Report that gives you the details of what transpired.

You can expand your realm to the wider world.

8 Realms is a good introduction to the RTS genre for casual players, but we’re not sure more battle weary players will be intoxicated by its charms. The initial bit of land that you get to create your kingdom is small, which limits you somewhat; although its compact nature means it’s easy to keep an eye on what is happening in your glorious empire. The slow building process really hampers play, as some structures can take between one to four hours to build in real time! The gems help speed the building process up, but they are costly at £5 for 85 gems, which we can’t imagine many people forking out for. This means you spend a lot of time letting the game play itself, rather than you playing the game. However the basis is there for a decent game, which could well capture the casual crowd.

Shhhh. Be wery quiet. I’m hunting tewwowists.

Bang! Bangbangbangbangbang!

Sshhh. Be wery quiet. I’m hunting tewwowists.

Bangbangbang!

[closed captions for the hard of hearing]

Nordic Games is bringing Remedy’s psychological action thriller Alan Wake to PC next month. The game will be getting a boxed retail release and includes DLCs The Signal and The Writer.

“It goes without saying that we are very happy and proud to work together with some of the greatest talents and artists of the games industry”, commented Lars Wingefors, CEO of Nordic Games GmbH. “We are really looking forward to the PC version of Alan Wake, especially as we are talking about a fantastic PC adaptation thereof, rather than a mere porting of the code. We will talk about this in more detail in the upcoming weeks” he added.

“We’re very excited that we have the opportunity to bring the PC version of Alan Wake to retail and the fans out there.” said Matias Myllyrinne, CEO of Remedy Entertainment. “Working closely with Nordic Games we can deliver an amazing experience to PC gamers.”

Alan Wake was released to universally positive reviews in the press and has a Metacritic score of 83 for those who like cold, hard numbers. We thought it deserved close to top marks in our review back in May 2010.

With the promise of this being a PC adaptation rather than a simple port of the original code, this could be one to watch if you missed it the first time on Xbox 360. Look for it in shops and on e-shelves this February.

A sequel to the 2005 PS2, Xbox and PC game Sniper Elite (which saw a 2010 release on the Wii with a bonus level), very little was known of Sniper Elite V2. Until now! Today, developer Rebellion held a one hour live Q&A session on Twitter. A few juicy tidbits of information were tossed out for the public, and we of course stuck our oar in with a few questions of our own. This is what questions from others revealed, some of this you may know but most you probably won’t:

• Steam client needed for the PC version.
• Story “touches on real life scenarios. Action takes place within brain race to steal Nazi V2 tech.”
• No HUD, though there will be a threat indicator.
• If you want a challenge, “Sniper Elite difficulty removes all assistance and provides a fully realistic simulation.”
• The game could take anything from 10-30 hours to complete; “most situations offer multiple approaches”
• “Around 12” of the development team worked on the original game; one of the designers on the first is lead designer on the sequel.
• Described as a reboot, it features “same timeline, different story , missions, objectives etc”
• The developers are aiming to please hardcore fans, but also to appeal to a wider audience via the easier difficulties.
• The PC version will be released alongside the console versions (on Steam, at least)
• Enemies can be identified by rank at a distance, and “The higher the rank, the bigger the threat. Identifying the most dangerous targets is integral to strategy”.

When we asked why they chose to stick with the second world war rather than a more modern setting, they replied: “We looked at every conflict known to man – kept coming back to the Battle of Berlin – strong in history & conflict […] We found sniping to be much better in a lower tech setting”. Fair enough, say we. But how is the gameplay balanced between actual sniping and stealth gameplay? 50/50. 60/40 etc? “This depends on how you choose to play it, it could be as much as 80/20 or as little 20/80”. Combine this with the aforementioned buckshot length estimate of 10-30 hours, and it sounds like the player will actually have a decent say in how they play the missions. This is definitely one to watch.

Microsoft Points, the currency used to purchase a variety of digital goods from Xbox Live, Windows Phone and Zune marketplace could be phased out according to a report.

Inside Mobile Apps claims that Microsoft will cease to use the points system by the end of the year, switching over to a regional currency based model similar to that of the PlayStation Store and other app marketplaces.

Of course, when contacted Microsoft slung the usual line that they “do not comment on rumours or speculation.” However, according to the report, mobile developers that have publishing agreements with Microsoft have already received a warning about the change and have been told to plan their upcoming releases in accordance with it.

You don’t need to panic about spending your remaining points at the moment though, as those with an outstanding Microsoft Points balance will have it converted into the regional currency of their account. Although, as this is an unconfirmed story, there’s no word as to how fair the exchange rate will be.

Microsoft’s point system has been a much debated topic amongst gamers since its introduction. Many support the system, especially when they can find a good deal buying the points from a retailer instead of directly from Microsoft. However, lots of people end up buying more points than they need due to the set value of points on each card, meaning there is a high possibility of purchasing several points that you are unable to use without acquiring additional points.

Spotted on MCV

Guild Wars 2 will be opening its doors for an open beta test in March according to ArenaNet founder and president, Mike O’Brien. This will then pave the way for the game’s release later this year.

Writing on the ArenaNet blog, Mr O’Brien said: “We recently finished our first closed beta test, and we’re now ready to hold progressively larger events. In February we’ll invite select press to participate in beta testing, and in March and April we’ll aggressively ramp up the size of our beta test events so that many of you will have a chance to participate. And of course, this all leads to the release of Guild Wars 2 later this year.”

This April will mark seven years since the release of the original Guild Wars title in 2005. The sequel promises to shake up the genre and try something new. To quote Mr O’Brien again, “let’s usher out old thinking – the tired old quest model, stiff repetitive combat, and monthly fees – and usher in the new.” That sounds good to us.

Spotted on ArenaNet blog

Rumoured to be the most expensive videogame ever developed, Bioware’s MMORPG Star Wars: The Old Republic finally saw a full launch at the tail end of December – presumably aimed at those not satisfied with the weight gain already associated with the season and still seeking a method to put on a few more pounds in a short space of time.

I picked the game up having already tried the beta and had been quite impressed – despite having been frustrated by staggered early access rules sprung at the last second, shockingly inflated retail prices, and the general stench of publisher influence surrounding the whole affair. What follows is a collection of first impressions having spent a couple of weeks with the game across numerous classes.

Each time a new MMO hits the market it is, inevitably, overly and tediously compared to World of Warcraft, the apparent all-powerful benchmark for the genre. Were the reason purely based on long term financial success this would make more sense to me, but rarely are these the things used for a comparison. I have a long history with MMO games as my waist line will attest to, yet only briefly does WoW appear in that history and beyond this paragraph it will not be levied towards The Old Republic again for any reasons other than financial ones.

Given the popularity of the Star Wars brand it may seem a given that (at least initially) Old Republic was going to have an easy ride, though it’s worth pointing out that DC Universe and Star Trek Online could also be considered to have strong brands backing them, and we all know where they ended up – the Free-To-Play dungeon where MMOs go to die. That said it does seem like this MMO is off to a strong start yet doesn’t feel overly populated, thanks to instanced planets and numerous servers for both the EU and US regions. I went in also expecting 90% of people to be playing as some kind of Jedi or Sith yet this doesn’t seem to be the case and – with the exception of people not willing to be a healer or a tank which plagues every game like this – classes seem reasonably balanced.

There is of course another draw here for fans of the Knights of the Old Republic games. This game, while set some time after those original games, still follows the events in them and in particular on the Imperial side Revan is often spoke of. There are cameos from characters that appeared in those games too and you can also visit planets from them to see the fallout of previous events, most noticeably Taris.

Another thing which sets Old Republic aside from other games in the MMO category is the inclusion of companions for every class, light/dark alignment and the thing which takes up most of the required 20 GB install – voice acting.

While this is not the first RPG based MMO to include voice acting within quests (I believe it may have been Age of Conan that did it first) it is the first which not only fully voices everything but also has recorded lines for male and female variants of the four starting classes on the Republic and Imperial sides for all possible choices (which can usually be categorised as good, neutral and evil). This is not voice acting on the cheap either, and is almost exclusively to an extremely high standard of delivery.

This is certainly an impressive undertaking and can at times create the impression that you are immersed in a single player game – Knights of the Old Republic 3 – yet then you will see another player running by and remember. The illusion is furthered by having an NPC companion with you to facilitate those who want to play alone that even incorporates a like/dislike system for your choices leading to romance options or companion quests. While there are open air quests across the numerous expansive planets you can visit, there are also instanced areas for your chosen class’s plot line, Flashpoints and group quests.

Play enough of a few different classes or do enough quests and you will start to pick up on things which were cut and pasted to help cover the staggering task of constructing so many fleshed out activities. Given any individual quest dialogue you can be sure that there will either be a standing animation, a hand motioning angrily either at you or to the side, or an animation where the person you are speaking to walks forward a couple of steps then steps back. Rarely will there be a cutscene in which things become any more animated, especially outside of class quests.

Dialogue is often recycled too. For example a Jedi Consular’s ‘evil’ option when undertaking a quest (paraphrased slightly) is “Sounds interesting, but what’s in it for me?” and this will be said a lot regardless of the wording of the option you chose. This is a frequent thing across all classes for generic responses to the process of learning about and accepting a quest. I mention these things not as faults, purely that the longer you play the more obvious they become and it does take some of the sparkle away from the initially impressive façade.

The quest-giving NPCs of the world are also insanely forgiving to rudeness, abruptness and the generally evil manner you can choose to react in if you are after Dark Side points. You can constantly pick the (often amusing) blunt option which insults the person you are speaking with and they will still carry on offering you the quest with a comparatively lax response to what was just said about them. There are also moments where you can actually flat out refuse to be told more only for the NPC to force the information on you anyway.

The reason for this though is clear – you can team up for any and all quests, and outside of class based ones (in which party members can only take up spectator roles in cutscenes) everyone can have input via number rolls with the highest being the course of action you see play out. This means that in order to be fair the rude “I don’t care about the details” option could win the roll on a dialogue choice but those who wanted to know more are still also satisfied.

Long term, Old Republic does have a distinct advantage over something like DC Universe in that even if the current maximum level of fifty can be reached fairly quickly, the unique storyline to each class and the engaging manner in which they are presented compels you to try them out just to see another interesting plot. This is not to mention having the Republic side and Imperial side, each giving access to different planets (some are shared eventually though).

In the long, long term we do wonder though how additional content could be produced that matches the same standard currently present. Adding new quests isn’t as simple as putting in a few screens of text – they would have to record all options for all classes on each side. It isn’t much of a surprise then that thus far it is only expanding how PVP currently operates that is being discussed and an additional Flashpoint or two. I do worry though that rather than add fully fleshed out quests as part of the MMO tradition, that it evolves and grows over time to keep justifying your subscription, they may release micro-transaction additional content citing the voice work and so on as the reasons why.

With solid gameplay that offers traditional MMORPG style interaction mixed with different concepts not usually seen in the genre (such as a cover system for Smugglers and Imperial Agents) and excellent parts borrowed from single player RPG mechanics, Old Republic is off to a very strong start. Of course, quite a few MMOs have had strong starts and what really matters will be how strong it remains a few months down the line as people run out of things to do and look to the developers for more content. It does also fall into some typical trappings of the genre such as repetition by design, a lack of quest variety and some areas being needlessly large.

Star Wars: The Old Republic has a good chance of being financially successful for a moderately long time depending on the quality of continued patching and additional content and is a very interesting experience for experienced MMO players and new alike. Fans of the Star Wars brand will already probably be playing, so that leaves fence-sitters and those already subscribed to a different MMO and to them I would suggest waiting for the inevitable release of a free trial which, unlike some trials, will give a taste of what the whole experience is like as this is a game less about getting max level as fast as humanly possible and more about the enjoyable plot driven journey to get there.

• Format: PC (version reviewed), Mac, PSN, XBLA
  
• Unleashed: Out Now
• Publisher: Lace Mamba Global/Focus Home Interactive, Atlus
• Developer: Frozenbyte
• Players: 1 – 3
• Site: www.trine2.com

Having a knight, a wizard and a thief simultaneously adventuring together seems like a fairly reasonable Halloween costume line-up or an unspecialised MMO raid party. It also sounds like the most obvious cast for a side-scrolling adventure game. In 2009, Frozenbyte struck the hearts of many with their game Trine that perfected this seemingly obvious formula. Two years on and they have made a sequel, but does it live up to the original game’s charm? If you just want this review in its simplest form, the answer is an absolutely corking “Yes and more.”

If you missed the first game then we’ll recap. It all started when a wizard, thief and knight touched an artefact called the Trine. It bound their souls together and sent them on an adventure. Part of being Trine-bound meant that players could instantly switch between characters to overcome certain puzzles and obstacles. The wizard conjures physical objects into existence and levitates them, the thief is highly mobile with her grappling hook and the knight is proficient at bludgeoning nasties to death. This aspect has not changed at all in Trine 2.

The knight makes short work of goblins but can't solve puzzles unless they involve a good bashing.

What has changed are a number of features from the original game that have been chopped to make the experience flow more smoothly. The inventory and special items have completely disappeared. You can no longer give specific characters benefits like unlimited air underwater or extra health with random trinkets. The only collectible items are experience orbs, poems and pieces of concept art. Characters no longer have an energy reserve either, meaning there is no penalty to constantly using fire arrows or spamming an area with summoned cubes and planks. This streamlining makes the game a lot easier to pick up and encourages experimentation and using abilities, instead of punishing overzealous use. It makes the game a lot more fun.

Puzzles are usually a case of navigating tricky terrain to get from the left side of the screen to the right, with the occasional door mechanism or gaping pit thrown in for good will. Whilst this might sound quite samey, each situation feels unique and can require some real brain power to solve. The one downside we found was the overreliance on the wizard and his block conjuring abilities. Summoning physical stepping stones into the world was always the most obvious (and in many cases only) way to get through most tricky areas. The thief can get herself through some situations with her grapple; but the knight seems fairly useless outside of combat or tasks that involve breaking things. That is of course the knight’s function, but we found ourselves puzzling and platforming a lot more than we were fighting.

Joining the improved mechanics are the gloriously designed environments. Level design remains as fiendish as ever, with several puzzles making you um and ah for minutes before the necessary element snaps in your brain and you discover the solution. Couple this with beautiful scenery and animated 3D backgrounds that are genuinely awe inspiring and you get a visual treat that even the fussiest of graphic grinches can’t grumble about.

And you thought the dragons in Skyrim were big...

The excellent presentation doesn’t stop at the amazing graphics; just about everything you experience serves as an immersive influence that compels you to play. Trine 2 feels like an interactive fairy tale that caters to everyone. The narrator tells the story as you go along and each character occasionally chirps in with their own bits of quirky dialogue. These serve to advance the story, but also provide the player with hints should you find yourself staring at the same chasm or sealed door for long enough.

The major new feature in Trine 2 is online multiplayer. The original game only allowed local co-op play, but the sequel has now opened the floodgates to the scary wide world of the Internet. Use the server browser or jump into a quick match though matchmaking to drop into the main adventure with up to two other players. Having three people tackle the puzzles and goblin ambush attempts is a fantastic experience and unlike the majority of current online games out there.

Multiplayer can also make it much easier in places, and it almost feels like cheating. There are so many occasions in singleplayer that will leave you thinking “This would be much easier with another person helping.” If you can trust yourself not to simply levitate your teammates on a wizard plank to the other side of the problem and then wait for the game to respawn you with them then online is a real laugh. Even if you do decide to cheat the game a little bit, it is very fun and a joy to play. You will giggle every time someone accidently summons a cube above you that thwarts your heroic jump attempt.

Stand on the knight's shield in multiplayer for a cheeky leg up.

Local multiplayer is also very well implemented. Good support like this is to be expected on consoles, but even the PC has brilliant local play capabilities. You don’t even need a set of spare USB gamepads to play on the same PC. The game supports multiple mice and keyboards which works brilliantly, if you can find the space to use them. It took us a slight fiddle in the game options to get it all working, but it wasn’t a huge feat and definitely worth the effort.

Trine 2 is an incredible game and easily tops the brilliant original. It is a charming adventure that can appeal to a very wide audience, but at the same time does not compromise on the challenge with several brilliant physics and platform based puzzles in the mixture. The boxed collector’s edition even comes with an artbook, original soundtrack and a copy of Trine 1. If you like your swords and spells applied to side scrolling adventures then it doesn’t get much better than this. Likewise, if you’re looking for an adventure game that is easy to get into and great fun to play, Trine 2 will not disappoint.

• Format:PC, Mac (version reviewed)
• Unleashed:Out Now
• Publisher:Lace Mamba Global
• Developer:Parallax Studio
• Players:1
• Site:http://www.darkstar.gs/

Darkstar has been a labour of love for creator J. Allen Williams, who wrote, directed, produced and was lead animator on the production of the game over the course of ten years. The game fuses real actors performances into animated scenes created by renowned comic book artist Richard Corben, and is the latest attempt to create an interactive movie. So have the ten years in development been well spent, or is J. Allen Williams ten years too late with this sci-fi adventure?

Nice and simple puzzles are the name of the game

The story follows our character, Captain John O’Neil, as he finds himself waking up onboard his spaceship the Westwick after 312 lost years spent asleep in a cryo-chamber. He’s been in his slumber so long that he has amnesia, and can’t even recall his own name. He finds that his ship has been damaged and is set adrift around the orbit of an alien world. His partner is missing, the ship’s pilot is asleep in her cryo-chamber and the navigator has been murdered in his sleep and had his hand removed. We also find out that the Earth has been destroyed by an alien race from Mars, and the Captain and his friends are the last surviving members of the human race. It sounds like a waking nightmare and the same can be said of the game itself.

You navigate the ship with your mouse, looking around to try to find spots of interest, much like Myst. After you find something to interact with, like say levers or computer terminals, the story progresses with a short FMV sequence. The trouble is the ship is very cluttered and is extremely dark and muddy, which makes looking and moving around a nightmare. The design of the ship is very bad and it’s hard to see what’s what. The FMV sequences are blurry and poor quality, and the actors are poorly pasted into the computer generated backgrounds, with a bit too much of a feathering effect around them, making them look like ghostly Star Trek rejects. The acting is very patchy to say the least, which would have been fine if it was acted in a tongue in cheek manner, which would at least give the game some charm. Instead it just feels like a cheap TV series that was cancelled before the pilot show was even aired.

Bring back Kirk and Spock, all is forgiven!

Over forty actors have been used in the game, but none are what you could describe as household names. The game stars Clive Robertson as Captain John O’Neill. Robertson is best known for his role in the soap opera Sunset Beach. This game was also the last performance from the late great Peter Graves, who narrates the game, and who you may remember as the pilot in comedy Airplane!, as well as Men in Black II and the original TV series of Mission: Impossible. The other characters are made up of the whole cast of cult American TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000, and other bit part actors, who on this performance, you will probably never hear about again.

The gameplay involves clicking on places of interest, flicking switches or pushing buttons. The thing is you can click on a computer terminal and what you think is a button, but if you don’t get it spot on your character ends up stepping away from the panel, leaving you to try again. There is nothing to highlight that the button can be pushed, which is extremely frustrating, as you end up frantically clicking like a hyperactive eBayer making a desperate last bid. There were also times when you click on where you want the Captain to go, but he ends up going in completely the wrong direction. Sometimes you click on a place of interest, which you would think would describe the thing you’re looking at, but it ends up with O’Neill in mortal danger as he leaps to his doom. It’s these points which frustrate the most, as the control is taken totally away from the player, with no choice on your interactivity with the point of interest. You also have an inventory that you can look at to see what items you have, but the game automatically uses any items that you have in your possession when they are needed, which almost renders puzzles obsolete. This was obviously to push the plot forward and to ease any frustrations that players may encounter, as they are pushing the game as an interactive movie more than a game. There are a few simple puzzles that need solving like some anagrams for instance, but nothing that Dr Kawashima would consider as Brain Training.

Anyone got a torch?

The game feels like we have been transported back in time 10 years, rather than 300 years into the future, such is the archaic nature of the game. This is certainly no Mass Effect, with very limited puzzles, lots of aimless wandering as you look for bits of scenery to click, and a sense of bewilderment at what you need to do next as nothing is signposted to help you. Darkstar does have a decent atmosphere, and the creator has to be applauded for taking the time to see his vision through to completion, but if you fancy a sci-fi game we recommend you stick to Mass Effect or Deus Ex, or if you want to watch a sci-fi movie try Blade Runner or Star Wars. Unfortunately for J. Allen Williams, gaming has moved on a lot since this game was conceived, and what is on offer here is a poor interactive experience that is ten years too late for the majority of gamers.

• Format: PC
• Unleashed: Out Now
• Publisher: Lace Mamba Global, 1C Company
  
• Developer: 1C Avalon
• Players: 1 – 4
• Site: http://www.offroad-game.com/

We’ve all been there; the random strips of land that border the race track in every driving game. Whether it’s gravel, mud, grass or a water hazard, each is designed to slow your car to a crawl because you had the audacity to go off-road. These areas are punishing slogs that tell you to follow the tarmac. The unique spin in Off-Road Drive is that that every track is made up of these hard to drive through areas. It is a greatest hits compilation of awkward driving surfaces.

1C Avalon has tried to do something different from other race titles and made track navigation more than just the challenge of remembering particularly nasty corners. Almost every inch of each track is waterlogged, covered in mud, peppered with loose gravel, sprinkled with rocks or on an ungodly angle that would be difficult to climb, let alone drag a couple of tonnes of car up. Those expecting paved straights are obviously going to be disappointed by Off-Road Drive, as it certainly lives up to its name. At times it will feel like you are driving through hard butter.

Wheels carve channels in mud. This helps you get stuck but looks nice.

Thankfully the game equips you with the tools necessary to conquer such obstructions. Every car can be switched into 4×4 mode at the touch of a button. The difficult nature of every road surface makes us wonder why you would want to switch out of four wheeled drive, but you can go back to eco-friendly 2×4 should you care about a fictional atmosphere more than pretend medals. You can also use locking differentials on your wheels to gain greater traction and power through obstacles, and even auto-deflate your tires to get through boggy areas. Should these options fail to dig you out of trouble, each car is also equipped with a winch to pull you through the worst hazards.

Unfortunately these don’t always save the day when you are battling up the muddiest, rockiest, steepest creek with a grunting, 4×4 super paddle. It is very possible to completely beach your car and be unable to escape some hazards. The lack of a player controlled respawn option means you have to restart the entire race should this happen. It’s a game design crime to have such random, game halting obstacles every so often.

However, the peculiar nature of the beast means that it’s not always possible to spot such hazards. You sometimes get stuck in the deep mud pit the game forces you to drive through. If there isn’t a tree nearby to winch yourself out of such a beaching you can be entirely screwed. Other times you can optimistically rock the car back and forth for two minutes and eventually break free. There is no science to bypassing obstacles, which is hyper frustrating. Half of the time you just need to gun the engine with the correct off-road options active as you pray to the motoring gods.

This vertical wall really is part of the designated track. Good luck.

You can spend two-thirds of each race attempting to free your car from awkward scenery. This is particularly difficult if you like your view from the cockpit or use the chase camera that is positioned far too low. It’s necessary to view the car from multiple angles to find out what it has caught on. You may think that you’re rubbish at the game for getting into situations like this, but it turns out it’s to be expected when you finally cross the line in a respectable position. You can make ten metres progress in two minutes and still have a foot on the winner’s podium. This is just the nature of off-road driving. Unfortunately it makes the game more frustrating than playing chess against a cat.

Races feel like an unpleasant slog to finish made more unsatisfying when you finally cross the line and find out you have dropped two places due to penalties you have picked up along the way. It’s made worse by the lack of opposing racers. Each race is a time trial against times set by off-screen opponents, making each event desolate. You can see an opponent’s time trial ghost appear occasionally, but it doesn’t spur you to keep up with the competition. It just adds to your annoyance as you see this car shaped apparition glide through the mud sodden pit you appear to have parked in.

Multiplayer mode goes some way to address this, as it allows up to four people to battle against the track hazards simultaneously. Turn collisions on to allow your cars to bash into each other and you can have a fun few minutes. That is, you will have a fun few minutes if you can find anyone to play against. The server browser’s default search looks for local network games, which seems like a nudge towards the best way to find opponents.

Drive like this and you can turn your car into a seesaw too.

To the game’s credit, there is a wide selection of cars to unlock which vary in performance. Each one is beautifully detailed, with operational fans and other moving exposed car bits. They can also be customised with different suspension and wheels that alter stats. There are lots of tracks too which differ in scenery, but all tend to share similar hazards. If you like the very staggered gameplay then the variety and attention to detail might hold your attention.

Off-Road Drive is a slow game. You are likely to be driven mad by race tracks that seem unfair and a real effort to complete. Conquering a particularly bad mud pit or climbing to the top of a steep slope isn’t fun; it’s just hard work. Most of the time you’ll be holding the accelerator button down with all 4×4 traction aids on, hoping your winch line won’t snap as you attempt to reach dry, flat land. The game is a navigation lottery that might appeal to Land Rover enthusiasts who like traversing difficult ground. Normal driving fans will just get frustrated by the slow pace and awkward terrain that makes races seem more like Total Wipeout than Need For Speed.