In an uncomfortable reminder of exactly how and why manufacturers of complicated electronic products enjoy such huge profit margins, here is a story which brings the word ‘suicide’ into the world of console manufacturing – again. If the word ‘Foxconn’ means anything to you at all, it will almost certainly be due to reports of workers on the Chinese company’s manufacturing lines committing suicide. This latest story, thankfully, did not result in any deaths.

On January 2nd, as reported at Kotaku, three hundred employees stood on the roof of the Foxconn Xbox 360 manufacturing plant in Wuhan, threatening to jump to their deaths. The workers had asked for a raise; the factory’s response was to tell them to keep their jobs at the same pay rate, or leave with compensation. The majority chose to leave; but when their bosses reneged on the deal and refused to hand out compensation of any kind, the rooftop protest began. After intervention from the mayor of Wuhan, the group finally came down, unharmed, the evening of the following day. Microsoft issued this statement to Kotaku regarding the latest incident:

“Microsoft takes working conditions in the factories that manufacture its products very seriously, and we are currently investigating this issue. We have a stringent Vendor Code of Conduct that spells out our expectations, and we monitor working conditions closely on an ongoing basis and address issues as they emerge. Microsoft is committed to the fair treatment and safety of workers employed by our vendors, and to ensuring conformance with Microsoft policy.”

Foxconn’s Wikipedia entry includes a fairly brief but fully supported list of the best known criticisms and fatal incidents. Foxconn  (which has been forced to install anti-suicide nets at multiple sites) also manufactures the Wii, the PlayStation 3, the iPhone, the Kindle, motherboards, and much more.

• Format: Wii (version reviewed), PS3, 360
• Unleashed: Out Now
• Publisher: Ubisoft
• Developer: Ubisoft Montpellier
• Players: 1-4 (offline only)
• Site: http://raymanorigins.uk.ubi.com/#

If you owned a SNES and/or Mega Drive (AKA Genesis) way back when, your gaming life would have been spent riding a surfboard of pleasure over a stormy sea of side-scrolling platformers. Many were terrible. Many were not; many were carefully crafted adventures that considered fun and wonder rights rather than privileges where gamers are concerned. Do you remember these games? Rayman Origins certainly does.

The first thing to hit you about this game, long before you even get to take control, is the amount of time and love that has clearly been poured into the graphics. Hand-drawn, sumptuously animated and relentlessly detailed, it looks like no other commercial release of the last ten years or more. Though the shamelessly bright colours and bloodless violence invite comparisons to a cartoon, in truth it looks more like what it truly is; an inventive, aggressively non-aggressive videogame.

The sound too stands out for all the right reasons, with the nonsense language (including split-second snatches of real words) refusing to ever make you cringe, with the moments of unintelligible sing-song delightful rather than twee. The music too is wonderful. Rather than a looping soundtrack that could be slapped onto the end of any cutesy-looking game, this is a title that has been scored. Two orchestras, a wealth of instruments, and a range of styles ensure that you’re presented with a perfectly happy audio-visual marriage.

Despite running at a lower resolution than this, the Wii version still looks wonderful.

Children of the eighties will remember the best of the 16-bit platformers, and to say that Rayman Origins plays like one of these goes a long way to making any review redundant. For the benefit of the uninitiated, the basic premise runs thus: each level starts at the left of the screen, and the exit is somewhere (very) far to the right. A combination of enemies and tricky jumps – often resulting in instant death – stand between you and success. To get through you’ll be jumping on heads (and here, punching faces) and using a range of abilities, most of which are unlocked as you progress through the game. Many moments require very precise manoeuvres and lightning reflexes. You will die often, and be thankful for checkpoints. Above all, you will have an enormous amount of fun during the ride.

To an extent, difficulty is dictated by how much content you want to experience in your first run through the game. Like any platformer worth its proverbial salt, there are collectibles; ‘Lums’, vaguely fairy-like creatures which hang in mid-air (sometime stationery, sometimes not). Grab a king Lum and, for a brief period, all other Lums turn red – doubling their value. Do you go for the highest Lum total you can manage in the level – usually meaning close encounters with invincible enemies and bottomless pits – or just grab what you can while making your way safely to the exit as soon as possible?

Lums, in turn, unlock Electoons (think Super Mario’s stars/shines). There are 246 of these in total, though only a relatively small number are required to unlock each world; and collecting a total of 200 will allow access to an extra eleven levels. Almost all levels have three Lum target numbers to achieve; the first two will give you one Electoon each, while the third will award you with a medal to look at. Each level is ended by freeing an Electoon from its cage, and there are hidden areas sprinkled throughout the game hiding extra Lums or cages; and once completed, each level has one last Electoon to surrender as a reward for a speedrun.

Ah, underwater sections. You were never allowed to make a platformer without them.

Though it works superbly as a singleplayer game, up to four of you can run, jump, glide, wallrun, and walljump your way through simultaneously; and, of course, stop to slap each other about should you feel the need. Extra players can certainly help during the side-scrolling shooter sections (which, incidentally, somehow fit in perfectly). There are extra characters to unlock but, as many are too similar and there is no coherent story within the game at all, it doesn’t act as much of an incentive.

You won’t much care who you’re playing as. Partly because you’ll be having too much fun and/or concentrating too hard on a particularly tricky section, but also because you’ll want to see how many industry references you can spot. There are subtle, never-intrusive nods in the level designs to Mario, Sonic, Angry Birds, Snake, Super Meat Boy, and doubtless many more we’ve missed. These tasteful homages go hand-in-hand with the intricacy of the graphical detail and the power of the soundtrack to create levels that look, sound, and feel alive. It’s so much more than idiot smiles and squeaky voices. Every single level is bursting with character, energy, and an utterly unique sense of self.

It is, sadly, not an endless parade of positives. Though it took us a respectable ten hours or so to run through the story, collecting roughly 60% of the Electoons along the way, it was mostly fairly easy to get through. That’s not necessarily a problem; the fact that the game occasionally leans too heavily on trial and error – particularly for the bosses and the final leg of the story – is. There’s nothing wrong with the time-honoured balancing act of quick reflexes and unexpected circumstances, but the ball is now and again dropped here.

Replay value is a thorny issue. Many (though not all) will happily work for and play the ten exhilarating, peril-laden chase levels that must be completed for the final hidden area; but only the most hardcore platformer freaks (or trophy/achievement addicts) will go through the same levels again and again until they have every last Electoon, medal and speed trophy.

Considering the tidal wave of price cuts due to lack of sales, this last is perhaps not an issue. If you loved the platformers of the nineties you’ll love this; and if you weren’t there for that era, perhaps Rayman Origins will make you regret the fact that you missed out.

This image has threatened traditional gaming since around November 2006.

It’s been a year of worry for the traditional gamer. Whilst gaming might seem to be an ever growing past-time, some of the traditional elements which make up the industry have seemed fragile. Publishers have been busy shutting down traditional developers, especially those famed for 3D racers, but beyond too.

We have seen shops such as Gamestop starting to seriously invest in alternative delivery platforms such as their own tablet and streaming services, fearing a fast-arriving dead end to their current business model. Indeed in the UK, where GAME have been less aggressive in moving into new areas of the business, we are witnessing the start of what will be a contraction of its street presence over the next five years. HMV, too, are struggling and are being quite open about the idea that they might not be around in the next 2-5 years in any shape or form.

Alongside this we have seen traditional hardware providers, such as Microsoft and Sony, in effect pour cold water on the idea of an early start to the ‘next generation’ as it is only really now that they are generating real profit dollars from their investment in current hardware and software. Whilst they might feel the urge to produce something new in the face of the soon to be released Wii U, both companies will resist in the knowledge that they have healthy, steadily improving install bases and technology which still won’t look outdated, even compared to the Wii U. I suspect they have noticed that the current generation of hardware is actually perceived to be cutting edge by many consumers today, despite being very behind suped up PCs. Hence there is little demand to bring a new, expensive console solution to the market in these difficult economic times.

Look, look I got some new plastic! But no games or applications to use with it!

Nintendo’s own year has been a difficult one, until the final quarter came around with the upturn witnessed in the holiday season. The launch of the 3DS was undermined by a range of mistakes. A high price, which did not actually put off day one early adoption but which did kill day two, three and further afield purchases. This drop in sales and consumer relevance was then compounded by the device having no actual new software (quality or otherwise) for months after release! It was almost as if Nintendo itself was surprised by the release of the console. One suspects that this observation might be closer to the truth than some might realise. Could it be that Iwata suddenly panicked when he saw the drop off in DS hardware and software sales in late 2010 and early 2011, and thought a hardware launch, which was due for November 2011, should be brought forward? Could it be that he actioned this change of timeline, forgetting that the software development teams couldn’t speed up, pro-rata?

This would explain the lack of software, both in terms of game titles and the also slightly unfinished operating system, which is still having parts of its online functionality added by firmware to this day; but which the software team have admitted were due to be there from day one.

Indeed Nintendo have taken a bashing on behalf of traditional gamers everywhere. Analysts the world over have decided that Nintendo could be the RIM (the makers of Blackberry products) of the games industry. Everyone likes to be the one who can call the end of the world (just ask the Mayans) and analysts are as human as the next guy (really they are) and Nintendo was their punching bag in 2011. The narrative went like this – people are moving from dedicated gaming devices to iPads and smartphones. Why spend £30 on a game, when you can get freeware or £1 software? The logic was sound, but too simple. People will always buy something they want, you just need to give them something they actually want, and come the end of the year Nintendo seemed to be achieving this. The 3DS sales are now running ahead of all predictions and confidence is not only building in the platform, but in the traditional games market in general. What started as a bad story for Nintendo and the industry as a whole has started to evolve into a success story.

Of course the area of growth which has probably received the most headlines, is the continued march of the social and casual gaming market. This encompasses everything from the Just Dance franchise, to the exponential growth of the Farmville type experience. There is no question that the online ‘Sim’ style of gameplay is not only hugely compelling but ideal for multi-platform, cloud play. Users can switch from the PC to their tablets, and in theory continue on the Sony Vita, as many of these games start being released in the platform agnostic HTML5 coding language. Indeed as televisions become ‘smarter’ with their own implementation of Kinect-like experiences, merged with an appstore, we can expect to see continued growth in the use of such genres. For hardcore gamers, this can be seen as a threat, as it potentially pulls funding from the type of projects they would traditionally welcome. Indeed if one looks, as an example, at Disney Interactive, it is moving evermore into this social and casual space and further away from traditional AAA game titles.

Should we as traditional gamers be worried by this? Probably not. Firstly the world is not black and white (even though according to my dad, when he was a boy it used to be – just look at old films back from when he was a youngster he tells me) and hence some of us also play those social games (maybe less so the dance titles). After all they are really very similar to RPGs, but often the character is the ‘farm’ or ‘restaurant’. However it also means that those AAA titles that are released get an increase in funding, and hence we should see an ongoing rise in production values and overall quality. The end of year titles released in 2011 are probably the best evidence for this. The range of software in your local GAME or Gamestop is reducing, but who can dispute the quality of Batman Arkham City, Skyrim, Uncharted 3 and the top shooters, MW3 and BF3?

Let us not forget the great games that have come out on XBLA, PSN, Android/iOS and recently on the 3DS, which is starting to have some quality digital titles. If you are a dedicated gamer, and not just someone who dives in to kill some time, you have never really had it so good.

What will 2012 bring to the story? For sure, we will see the ongoing decline of brick and mortar shops. Boxed product will still exist, and we will probably continue to see the ongoing investment into ‘limited edition’ versions which will help to prolong the life of this boxed product. However for many they will only order via online, postal only services. Shops will simply start to close or become trading and part exchange locations.

Game of the Year 2012?

The year ahead, when it comes to software, is going to be a very exciting year. Max Payne 3, Grand Theft Auto 5, MW3 map packs and BioShock Infinite (have Take 2 already sewn up 2012?) are already in our consciousness. The 3DS has some superb first and third party exclusives arriving in early 2012 too, and the industry will have the US and European launch of the Vita to look forward to.

The Wii U will release. Nintendo will see this as a slow burner, as the Wii at its new price is still selling strongly. However for those wanting to upgrade it could spoil the party for the current levels of PS3 growth and Xbox steady sale projections. Why? Because for those who already have a Wii (and only a Wii) and are considering what to step up to then if the Wii U ticks a number of boxes, it’ll be the natural platform to choose. What are those boxes?

• If the Wii U has the same range of ‘adult’ software as the 360 and PS3 in addition to being 100% backwards compatible with all their Wii content.
• If it allows them to play all the new Mario titles, along with new Nintendo only IP. Expect Nintendo to make a push to position the Wii U as the first console to take MMOs seriously with a controller designed for them.

The ultimate home based tablet and server solution?

If the above happens, then who would not buy the Wii U over one of its HD counterparts? Those of us already with a Wii and 360, or PS3 will probably fail to become early adopters. That’ll be fine by Nintendo though, as once the new inevitable Mario games and Pikmin are released, and once the hardware does eventually drop in price, they know we will still invest.

What Nintendo decides to do with its online provision for the Wii U though is very exciting. Nothing is really known, but all the rumours suggest a very open online service, perhaps with multiple portals such as EA’s Origin and Steam. However, if they could be linked with a single Wii U identity (not a friend code!) it suggests a range of delivery services, offers and perhaps even streaming services being offered through the platform, alongside its own propriety content.

2012 could be Take 2's year, at least when it comes to Metacritic scores. Sales will surely follow.

As the economy continues to stumble, the games industry will clearly find that growth and expansion is stunted by the social and economic factors around them. Yet if any leisure industry will succeed in these tough times, it’ll be ours; and 2012 will be another step forward.

Character and plot details of The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, are starting to appear ahead of the Wii game’s November 18 European release next month. The game appears to be an origin story and prequel to Ocarina of Time. It will explore staple elements of the series that have been in place for 25 years, such as the creation of the Master Sword.

The game starts in Skyloft, an island town suspended in the sky, on the eve of a bird-flying competition in which a young Link is set to compete. The winner of this contest earns the honour to participate in a special ceremony with Zelda, who is not a princess this time around, but a childhood friend of Link. Events in the new game will add more depth to their friendship and the special bond they share.

An early antagonist in the game comes in the form of Groose, Link’s nemesis from school who sets out to sabotage Link’s chances in the flying competition. His intentions are unknown at this point but Nintendo hints they could be fuelled by a jealousy of Link and Zelda’s relationship.

Link’s persistent guide throughout this latest instalment appears to be Fi, the spirit of the powerful Goddess Sword. Another potential source of information might be Gaepora, Zelda’s father who is also the headmaster of Link’s school. He is very knowledgeable about the legends and history of Skyloft.

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword is the first in the series to take advantage of the Wii’s motion plus controls and the extra precision it allows. A limited edition version of the game comes with a gold-coloured motion plus controller that bears the Hylian Crest, as well as an orchestral CD with selected arrangements from The Legend of Zelda 25th Anniversary Symphony.

Skyward Sword is just over five weeks away from its European release. In that time, Nintendo has promised to reveal more select details about the game to keep mental appetites and speculation fed. Look for more details coming soon.

For more information and videos about The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword visit http://www.nintendo.co.uk/skywardsword

For more information about The Legend of Zelda™ visit http://www.thelegendofzelda.co.uk

For more information on The Legend of Zelda 25thAnniversary visit http://www.zelda25th.co.uk

Swedish developer Nordic Games showcased their upcoming line-up during this year’s E3. Known for their expansive development of Wii games, they continue their specialty by releasing numerous We Sing games for the Wii. Covering a wide array of genres, Nordic Games plans to bring out We Sing games for pop, rock, British songs, American songs, and plenty more to come.

The bigger game they were showing, however, was We Dance. Remember DDR? It was one of those games that got you excited about playing (and really tired). The dance mats and the songs were often quite challenging. We Dance wants to bring this challenge back to dancing games, with their very own dance mat and the power of the Wii. We Dance doesn’t just require you to dance with your feet; you have to use your arms as well.

With a booth that was made entirely of glass, it looked all the more fun to see people swing around their arms and jump like crazy. We Dance isn’t just for the dancing talents, however. It features several levels you can try out. You can also pick and choose whether you want to dance with your feet, your arms, or both.

Upon release the game will feature 40 songs, but there’s more to come! You can download new songs and new steps from the ‘Dance Shop’. You can even play with up to four players at the same time, if you’ve got the living room to host it. Or just play by yourself, start out in the ‘Dance School’ to get a tutorial, do a warm-up session, and then go for it. For those that are really into dance games – you can freestyle all you want, it’s in there.

Nintendo Conference: June 7^th 05:00pm GMT

Everyone wants to see the new console Nintendo is premièring today. I don’t really want to take guesses on what it will be like, but my assumption would be no-3D and only about as good as the current gen. That said, they will hopefully have learned from the poor 3DS sales that really what matters is a powerful launch line-up.

• Things are a little delayed to start with, probably with it being so early in the morning.
• Screen showing random Nintendo facts, think the same happened last year. Same with the random multiple choice questions. But here we go. The proper start now.
• Live orchestra starts playing a fantastic Zelda medley to videos of the various Zelda titles over the years. Does that mean they’re back to aiming at their older audience? Not many people younger than me will appreciate this trip down memory lane.
• Towards the end of the video is new footage. Celebrating 25 years of Zelda games. That does make me feel old.
• Shingeru Miyamoto takes to the stage. As cheerful as always. Attempted English GO. Fingers crossed for a better on-stage demo this year if there is one.
• Phew, translator comes on stage.
• Last year was Mario’s 25^th, this year it’s Zelda’s turn. The song at the end of the orchestra was the theme to Skyward Sword. Chats about famous music (chest opening, item gained). He talks about the orchestra again and asks them to preform some famous Zelda riffs.
• “Item GET-o!”
• Miyamoto takes a Titanic poster stance during the fairy music for some reason. He then wants to hear getting an item again, orchestra clearly hasn’t played Zelda and starts the wrong riff at first.
• Each hardware system is getting a Zelda game for the anniversary. Link’s Awakening will be coming to the Virtual Console as a download today worldwide.
• Next weekend Ocarina of Time 3D launches (we already knew that). Improved graphics, frame rate and a new sense of realism. Master Quest mode returns and there is a Boss Challenge mode. Free download of Four Swords.
• Finally, Skyward Sword. Worldwide release this holiday season for Wii. “It’s finally done!”
• It uses Motion+. They are making a special gold Wii remote. Will anyone seriously be desperate to get that?
• He mentions he’s been playing Skyward Sword every day and it’s great exercise, he shows off imaginary muscles. Both games will be on the expo floor.
• A symphony based around the Zelda music will be touring the world as part of the anniversary. That’s nice. Wii 2 please. Nope, plugging music CDs next. At a game expo. Really.
• He invites numerous members of the development team onto the stage. I don’t think this is building to anything, he’s just mooching applause now. Mentions all the fans and thanks them, ending this section of the presentation – implies he’ll be back later on.
• Nintendo President Satoru Iwata takes centre stage to some horrible music. I like what he’s done with his hair. What shade of dye would that be?
• Talks about the boundaries that once separated age group, personality and gender being erased. Talks about horrible casual gamers. The vermin of the gaming world. I mean in a more positive way than I am making out here. Sadly.
• “Deeper and wider”. He’s talking about the new platform…I hope. So, deeper must mean 3D, right? A wider appeal than the Wii to gamers. “Let’s everyone see games in full detail” – no glasses, then? He was being a tease, he isn’t going into details until later.
• Moving onto the 3DS and the franchises that are moving into it. He walks off stage as a large trailer begins, starting with Mariokart. Starfox is next. Super Mario is after that (these are all really short glimpses of what I’m not entirely sure is real gameplay).
• Kid Icarus is after that. Next is…Luigi’s Ghost…mansion thing. What was that called again? Doesn’t matter, wasn’t very good.
• Here comes Reggie. Medium sized microphone. Don’t start a speech with an aggressive “Look…” Reggie. It’s rude. Seems to be acknowledging people’s complaints about 3DS while at the same time implying that they are wrong.
• Five key titles to show for 3DS. Mariokart first and a trailer plays. “It’s a tricked out version you’ve never played before” apparently, looks pretty much standard fare to me. Oh until they show that the karts can to flying type glides over large areas and also go underwater. Revolutionary stuff.
• Mariokart 3D out this holiday season.
• Starfox 3D next. Trailer playing in the background while Reggie talks. You can use controls or you can use the hand-held to tilt and steer – all those people who did that for years despite not needing to will love that! 3DS cameras record during gameplay…in horribly pixelated barely recognisable ways. It is released this September.
• Super Mario 3D now. Again typical Mario game, not bad just not special either. That raccoon suit I’ve forgotten the name of returns. That counts as an innovation at Nintendo by the way, if you’re not familiar with them. Out sometime this year.
• Kid Icarus Uprising. A voiced trailer plays. Probably the most impressive of the games shown so far. Trailer ends with multiplayer battles and then Icarus themed AR cards. MP is 3 on 3. Released later this year.
• Final game, a new one. Oh right they count Luigi as new. Luigi’s Mansion 2. An entirely new game (technically). More than one mansion.
• Third party developers now starting with Resident Evil Mercenaries 3D, then Mario & Sonic. Ace Combat, Tetris, Cave Story, Resident Evil Revelations, Driver Renegade, Pac-man, Tekken 3D. Montage ends on MGS Snake Eater 3D.
• Talks about the e-shop and updated browser for the 3DS now. Tried it earlier – nothing to go on about. Though Reggie then said there’d be exclusive 3D trailers on there later.
• Virtual Console next and the GB, GBA titles on it.
• “The biggest download news for 3DS concerns one of the biggest franchises in history” – he’s talking about Pokemon. Is he really trying to make that tacky 3D Pokedex sound like some amazing innovation? I tried that earlier too, bored of it after a couple minutes.
• “The essential tool for fans” - I’ll stick with the in-game one, thanks.
• Bloody hell they are being as condescending as those old Wii training videos. Talking very slowly about how to update the 3DS.
• Reggie is talking about the Wii. The name makes sense once you hear how it is pronounced, apparently. Is this building up to the justification of whatever stupid name they’ve chosen this time around?
• It’s called….Wii U. Sounds like a poor Asian child. I mean come on. Why not just Wii 2?
• The controller is a hand-held by the looks of it. Looks a lot like the PS Vita hilariously, if it had a baby with the 3DS.
• Video plays showing Wii U in action.
• Display switches from TV to the ‘controller’. Shows that it can be used like a tablet for drawing. It has touch screen. Graphics are as poor as the Wii. Well, maybe not quite. Use it as a scope for sniping with while playing first person games. Picture-in-picture calls.
• Wii U is very underwhelming. It’s no big thing to stream to the hand-held essentially, PS3 could do that with a few select games. It’s a gimmick sure, but has no practical use. Unless the game is self contained in the ‘controller’ as well and thus you can play portable or not anywhere, but I doubt it.
• Out next year if you want one for some reason.
• Wii U has 6.2” screen built in. Backward compatible with Wii games and accessories (in other words it’s still just a Wii).
• “We believe you will love the variety of the new console” – Uh huh.
• “Ramble feature.”
• Touch screen, microphone, speakers, two circle pads, control pad, gyroscope and so on. Every time Iwata says button it sounds like he’s saying bollocks. Fitting really.
• Ah, yes it’s wirelessly transmitted so it’s a hand-held Wii with the features of a 3DS essentially. “Those with an HD TV attach it to play Wii games in HD” – isn’t that like watching a black and white movie on the world’s best colour TV?
• Promotes strong bonds with the family, web-browsing, etc.
• “How can it be incorporated into gameplay” – and why.
• Trailer of a horrible conversation between Iwata and Miyamoto begins. To be honest I’ve lost all interest in this conference so I’m not sure what their translated voice-overs are going on about.
• Smash Bros. is coming to 3DS and Wii U, working together on both platforms. First genuine claps from the audience there.
• Reggie is back to talk about what Wii U games are playable at E3. “Eight different interactive experiences” – yeah, what about some nice new games please?
• Trailer plays. A tech demo I assume, a bird flying along on river to some nice music. I’m not even sure this is a tech demo actually, it’s more like it’s just…a video. What were they thinking with that?
• He moves onto how the new controller changes things. Conceptual “New Super Mario Mii” using your Mii alongside Mario. Drowning in innovation here.
• More concept art and concept descriptions. This is sounding like the Wii U is either just really, really early in development or there’s nothing to do with it.
• Oh, oh! One title in development for Wii U! Lego City Stories! Stay there a second! I need to put in my pre-order now to beat the rush! Get out of my way!
• I’m back. Still talking about lego I see.
• Video with Peter Moore and various other assess of gaming making nothing sound like the next generation. I remember the reaction to 3DS last year, even if it didn’t turn out as good as it sounded at the time, at least it got the crowd hyped. In comparison, this is pure embarrassment.
• Assassin’s Creed and Batman Arkham City will be on it apparently. Ghost Recon too.
• “Nintendo have heard the voices of the hardcore gamer” – are you kidding me? He did not just say that. Rage.
• Darksiders 2 trailer plays next. An Aliens game was also shown and some footage of Metro Last Light, Ghost Recon and Tekken. Tekken has customizable costumes. Ninja Gaiden 3 footage ends the Wii U montage.
• Reggie and Iwata on stage together. Blathering on.
• EA’s John R takes the stage. Don’t put your hands in your pockets during a speech – good (he took them out). John chats a bit about Wii U.
• “Brilliant high definition graphics” – really? They show Battlefield 3 footage (PC version) in some poor attempt to imply a Wii U version would be anything like it.
• John is off. Didn’t really listen to what he said.
• Reggie is back to conclude things. Asks people to think what each platform represents. “They share a common pedigree – inspiration” – kind of true, but how about actually being, you know, decent?
• It’s hilarious how quiet the audience is throughout.
• And it’s over. Thankfully.

Nintendo wins worst conference of E3 2011 hands down. There wasn’t a single on-stage demo. Even a Kinect heavy Microsoft conference couldn’t compare to that waste of time. Forgive my obvious frustration as I watched, because even if I hate what Nintendo has become I loved them for many years. Those days are long gone.

Musiic Party (so ker-azy it needs two letter ‘i’s in the word Music) is a poor man’s Rock Band. No, wait; that’s what you’re supposed to think – sort of. No fake instruments are necessary; instead, the remote and nunchuk are used to mimic guitar, bass and drums. Does it Rock The House as the subtitle suggests, or merely ruffle the curtains?

There is a remote-only control option, but we shan’t linger on it. Firstly, it prevents you from accessing all of the game’s features. Secondly, the one-handed drum controls are awkward and counter intuitive. Thirdly, waving a lone remote around isn’t much like playing any instrument at all; and shaking a piece of plastic at the TV with a Tina Turner song playing in the background could lead to some supremely awkward moments should your partner unexpectedly walk into the room.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I… I don’t know.”

So, let us consider only the remote and nunchuk combo (and surely none of you own a Wii without also owning at least one nunchuk?). No matter what the instrument, you have an ‘Event Bar’ during each song. For guitar & bass, coloured circles (each representing a note) stream in from the left, right, bottom, and – on the highest difficulty – top of the screen. When each circle hits the middle of the Event Bar, that’s your cue to play the note.

This is you. Don't you look... er... cool?

A brief flick of the remote mimics strumming/plucking strings. The ‘frets’ are on the nunchuk’s analogue stick – hold the corresponding direction as you strum. It feels a little less stupid if you position your hands so you’re holding a pretend guitar. Drums (the notes all fall from the top of the screen here) work much as you’d expect, with the remote a stick for your right drum and the nunchuk – which also houses an accelerometer, remember – your left. Some drum notes require you to hold down B or Z respectively as you ‘drum’; and that’s it.

Miss too many notes in a row and you’ll fail the song. Do particularly well and you can activate Nova Mode (think Star Power) for a points multiplier. Though it’s an easier experience than either Guitar Hero or Rock Band on their higher difficulties, the timing of the notes is no better (or worse) than that of the aforementioned big boys. There are a few multiplayer modes for you to play competitively or co-operatively with up to two other people, and there are thirty songs to bop along to. It’s the songs, however, that are this game’s main problem.

They’re licensed, but they’re all covers. This means that the enjoyment to be had from this game leans with worrying weight on the quality of the cover versions. Some – such as Razorlight’s Before I Fall To Pieces – are very good. One even surpasses the original, becoming a great song in its own right. We’re talking here of Out Of My Mind by James Blunt, which suffers an unfair advantage. Any James Blunt cover is better than the original by default, by virtue of its not being sung by James Blunt.

Unfortunately, stand-out tracks such as these are the significant minority. Many others are no more offensive than ‘not bad’; but the limp and lifeless version of the Spin Doctors’ Two Princes made us want to punch a hole in something. Preferably the vocalist.

Others suffer more by the original bands having distinctive, irreplaceable vocalists. If it’s not Lemmy, it’s not Motorhead; and nobody screeches at a microphone quite like Ben Kowalewicz. Boy, were we surprised to see Billy Talent in the tracklisting; and boy, were we disappointed when we first found out that Fallen Leaves, like everything else, was a cover.

Hmm, I think I used to have that He Man playset...

The distinctive vocalist issue – the whole cover version issue, to an extent – would have been patched over if, like Guitar Hero and Rock Band, microphone compatibility had been included. It hasn’t been – a missed opportunity which would have improved the game greatly for many. With songs such as Smoke On The Water, Our House, and I Fought The Law on the disc, many a dad would have stolen the mic from their embarrassed offspring.

The game does have more to offer, but none of it is welcome. The story mode (which must be played to unlock all of the songs for quick play) tells a boring tale with shabby comic strips and an uninspiring voiceover. You have no say in what instrument you play for which song during the story – you play what you’re told when you’re told to. There are alternative clothes, instruments etc. to unlock, but you won’t care. The ‘gigs’ are broken up with ‘roadie task’ minigames; which are all equally tedious and, bafflingly, difficult. You can at least choose to skip each one after failing it.

It’s difficult to tell who the target audience is for this game. The younger the player, the more they’ll struggle with the co-ordination required; the older the player, the more aware they’ll be of the cover versions and the guitar/drumsticks they’re not holding. If you’re curious, then you’ll certainly get some fun out of this. Without original tracks and an old-school karaoke hook, however, its appeal is limited.

Is Sharkoon’s X-Tatic SP a PS3 headset, an Xbox 360 headset, or a PC headset? The answer is ‘yes’ once, twice, and thrice. Is it, perhaps, a Wii headset as well? The answer there is: er, sort of.

The X-Tatic SP screams ‘luxury’ in your face before you even rip it eagerly out of the packaging, peeking cheekily at you from behind a cardboard curtain (as seen above). Once free of its partially recyclable prison however, it may instead start screaming ‘Ikea’ at you like a drunken auntie instead. It’s a four piece deal – the main body of the headset, the microphone, a joypad adapter for the 360, and a Component Cable Hijack Device (my personal name for it, more on which later).

This is very much a wired headset. In fact, if you use it with everything plugged in at once, looking at all those wires trailing from your head can make you feel like a time traveller – in that you now find yourself in the future, and your robot masters have plugged you into the matrix. The point is, of course, the wires won’t be bothering you – they’re all out of view while you concentrate on your TV/monitor.

One of the most important questions is: is the headset itself comfortable to wear? The answer, thankfully, is ‘very’, thanks to the flexibility and padding. Also, despite its apparent chunkiness, it’s surprisingly light. Lengthy play sessions are no problem at all, and it’s easy to sometimes forget you’re wearing a headset at all.

I mentioned flexibility, and this is flexible to the point where it would seem suitable for the most mutated of heads. I pulled the earpieces away from one another until the arch connecting them was almost completely straight – with no creaks, groans, or snaps of complaint from the unit. If your head is twice as wide as mine (and one of your ears is set at the eleven o clock position) then this is the one for you! It’s also possible, for reasons that are beyond me, to twist each earpiece around by degrees until it faces inward (that is, toward your face).

"No time to talk to people because you're too busy playing videogames? Don't worry, I'll be your friend!"

I’ve found that if you turn both earpieces round all the way, and set the headset on the floor upside down without the microphone attached, it looks a bit like a smiley face. I’m sure this was intentional.

The microphone, too, is flexible – staggeringly so. It’s more flexible than Louie Spence. It’s so flexible, you will easily be able to find the perfect position for you. It’s so flexible – yes, I actually tried this – you can turn it right round and put it in your mouth while it’s plugged into the headset. Not very practical, but great for Marlon Brando impressions (you can almost, but not quite, stick it up your nose).

Provided you don’t do anything that foolish with the microphone, it picks up your voice very well. I tested it at various times with three other people using five different headsets between them, and was assured that my voice came through very clearly with each (though for some reason, two different people told me that I came through a little quiet on the official Xbox 360 Elite headset).

I must at this point however tell of the difficulties I initially experienced. When I first started testing the unit for chat, although my voice came through clearly, I broke up regularly; prolonged conversation was literally impossible. I later discovered that this was entirely my fault for not connecting the microphone correctly. If you buy yourself a Sharkoon X-Tatic SP, take the time to examine the instructions closer than I first did. When plugging in the microphone (which you only have to do once), make sure that the miniscule and almost invisible dots – one by the mic plug, one by the headset socket – are aligned.

With this issue corrected, I came through loud and clear with no trouble. When I began breaking up again at one point, I realised that this was because I was absently fiddling with the little unit which houses the input & output volume controls, the mute switch, and the device selection switch (PS3 &PC/Xbox 360). Clipping the thing to my t shirt just seemed to make the problem worse; I found that simply letting it dangle like some kind of desperately dull bling (and making sure not to fiddle with it) worked best.

The control unit

I also found that, regardless of headset/connection speed/IQ of the person I was talking to, they consistently came through loud and clear for me (though quality, obviously, varied slightly from headset to headset). Maximum volume was a little too loud for my liking, but it’s nice to have the option there. A volume control for your own voice baffled me slightly, as (a) there’s already a mute switch, and (b) it seems that only maximum volume will guarantee a nice clear voice on the other person’s end. You could always turn the volume down and swear at them, then turn it back up and pretend your connection slowed while you were saying how lovely they were. Oh, hours of fun.

But what of enjoying your in-game sounds? Well first and foremost, let’s get this out of the way: if you’re using an HDMI cable and can’t/won’t switch to a component, you can’t use the X-Tatic SP for in-game sounds. The adapter I so maturely referred to earlier as a Component Cable Hijack Device requires – yup, you guessed it – a component cable, either SD or HD. Connect the adapter to the headset, then plug the red and white audio cables into it to divert the audio to the earpieces. Plug the end of the adapter into your normal output (e.g. TV) and the audio will be transmitted there simultaneously. Then you’re ready to go.

Sharkoon are keen to stress that the X-Tatic SP has been designed with gaming in mind rather than music. So far as I can tell, this involves putting the emphasis on bass. It makes sense when you think about all the explosions, engine revs, gravel-voiced heroes, etc. found in so many games. It does mean that you don’t get the crystal clear sound of a decent set of speakers; but the trade-off there is layers of sound that you never even knew were there.

With the X-Tatic SP, you miss nothing. Be it a podgy torso disturbing a patch of flowers in Mario Galaxy or spent shells hitting the floor in Battlefield, the subtlest piece of ambience is delivered to your ears just as effectively as a rousing soundtrack to a set piece or the terrified screams of your enemies. Er, for example. Everything is, of course, presented in full stereo. It will certainly be a revelation for people who have previously relied on TV speakers.

I tested it across formats but, as I first received the headset shortly before the PlayStation Network went down, I haven’t been able to test PS3 functionality as thoroughly as I’d like. Nonetheless, I experienced no problems while PSN was still going. It worked equally well on all the above points with the 360 and PC too.

Now, the X-Tatic SP is advertised primarily as a PS3 and Xbox 360 headset, and the PC is mentioned only in the small print on the box. No mention whatsoever is made of the Wii; but, for audio at least, I can confirm that it’s compatible. The number of Wii games that support voice chat is tiny, and I don’t own any of them. As Wii Speak is required there however (anybody actually buy that? Anybody?), it seems safe to presume that the microphone will not work with any Wii games.

If you’re a multiformat gamer and you’re looking for a fully functional multiformat gaming headset, then – so long as you use component cables and don’t mind fiddling about round the back of the TV – this is a great place to start. Think about how often and how fully you’d use it, however, before shelling out the £45-£50 most online stores are asking.

• Format: PS3 (version reviewed), PS2, PSP, Xbox 360, Wii
• Unleashed: Out Now
• Publisher: THQ
• Developer: THQ
• Players: 1-4
• Site: www.wweallstars.com

WWE All Stars attempts something a bit different with the wrestling genre and the WWE license. An arcade style brawler, it pits a roster of past stars against some of today’s finest and simplifies the more realistic move-sets of games like Smackdown vs. Raw. Concerns such as body proportions and gravity have been discarded, resulting in impossibly beefed-up wrestlers leaping ten feet in the air and tossing each other around like rag-dolls.

WWE All Stars is as colourful as its roster of wrestlers, which includes past greats such as Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior and Stone Cold as well as current day stars like John Cena and Randy Orton. There are a handful of unlockable characters and more are promised as DLC. Both sides of the roster are well balanced, with no discernible advantage in choosing the legends over the current pretenders, or vice versa. No matter their era these great hulks fill every inch of the screen and there is a real sense of weight and power behind each slam and blow.

The mix of old and new offers the opportunity to stage “what if” matches. Finally, we may conclusively answer questions such as “Who is slower – Big Show or Andre the Giant?” or “Who is the toughest Scot – Roddy Piper or Drew McIntyre?” The Fantasy Warfare mode takes full advantage of this, pairing similar wrestlers in a collection of battles for the ages. Each of these bouts is preceded by entertaining TV-like segments comparing the two wrestlers and making you believe that they are squaring off through the mists of time. This provides a great deal of fan entertainment, but is unlikely to be of interest to those with less knowledge of WWE lore. However, there is enough elsewhere to keep any brawler happy, WWE fan or not, including the Path of Champions and its three story campaigns.

The controls are easy to pick-up, and somewhat limited in their scope, featuring a collection of grabs and strikes (strong and weak), the results of which can be altered with a flick of the right stick. Counters and blocks are mapped to the triggers, which are tricky to master as each move requires different timing to successfully reverse. Signature moves are earned throughout the bout and are mapped to a combination of the grapple or punch buttons. Powerful finishers are made available once certain conditions are met, offering a gloriously OTT and satisfying end to each match.

Action is viewed in a more close-up fashion than other games of its ilk, highlighting the combatant’s freakish size and physique but taking away from your sense of the surroundings – much more akin to a beat ‘em up than a wrestling game. There are a number of events including tag-team, cage matches and triple threats, but these slight variations fail to disguise the limitations and repetitiveness of the action and moves on offer.

Online matches bring out the best and worst of WWE All Stars. Finding ways to defeat your opponent and triggering your finisher at the optimal moment to score the pin or KO is hugely satisfying. However, the limitations of the tricky reversals come to a head when battling a human foe. Bouts can quickly descend into a competition of who has the best counter timing – or who has the best luck with spamming the triggers – as moves are countered back and forth. No matter the grapple, element of surprise or health level, virtually all standard moves can be countered, which becomes increasingly frustrating against human competition and certain CPU opponents.

The biggest stumbling block is the incessant load screens. By far the most bothersome is the caching data screen, a five minute waiting period (on the PS3) which you must sit through every time you fire it up. By the time you are finally in control, you may well have moved onto something else entirely.

Once you have finally reached the main menu, you will sit through a further three load screens before you take control of your chosen character in an exhibition match. They crop up after character selection, another after a brief ring announcement and one more after the unbelievably dull entrances. This puts a very real dampener on what should have been an ideal game for playing in short bursts. If you only have twenty minutes to spend gaming you may well find yourself reluctant to load up WWE All Stars, aware that so much of that time will be eaten up by the caching data and load screens.

Those looking for a Smackdown vs. Raw clone will be disappointed as WWE All Stars lacks the depth and polish of that series. It’s no simulation, happy instead to be an over the top brawler with larger than life characters doing larger than life things. Its simplicity and horrendous load screens do hold it back, but it is still a quality piece of disposable entertainment; capable of appealing to both wrestling fans and those who remain perplexed by grown men grappling in pants.

What is it that Nintendo are good at? No! Not remaking hardware and selling it off over and over; well they are pretty good at that, but the real answer we were looking for was “cuteness”. Kirby’s Epic Yarn has so much cuteness stuffed inside of it, there’s hardly any room for the magic-laser-light that the Wii needs to read the disc – true fact that.

You’ll begin your adventure in Kirby’s Epic Yarn with one of the most misleading intro levels ever found in recent game design, allow us to explain; Epic Yarn looks soft, it looks pretty. It lures you into such false security at the beginning that any hardened gamer who finds themselves playing it might stop at the early levels claiming it holds no challenge for them. Spend enough time with it though, and like a gremlin hurled into the ocean it’ll make you all stompy, screamy and maybe even a little bit crazy. Anyway, we’ll stop naming nightmarish dwarves and get on with the review…

Epic Yarn is cute. From the soft pastel colour palette to the tinkly dinky goodnight baby mobile music, it oozes so much cuteness that it could make a Pokémon puke on his own shoes. Don’t let its warm fuzzy exterior fool you though, because what lies beneath is a quality platformer. By mixing a bunch of tried and tested 2D platform mechanics this will hold the attention of gamers young and old(er). Making a success of any level means you’ll need to get a good ‘bead count’. Beads are collected much like coins, and one touch of an enemy will send them all flying across the level Sonic rings style, making you scamper around re-collecting them to keep that all important end-of-level score. This is a double whammy mechanic because by collecting beads you’ll not only open the next level, but collect enough and you can open secret levels too. Bragging rights can also be claimed for good ‘streaks’ which involve never being touched throughout a level. So far so good, but where Epic Yarn really shines is in its level design. The whole game is made to look like it’s stitched together with different materials; and little buttons and threads sewn into the scenery can be grabbed, swung from or pulled to bunch the material up and reveal new parts of the level.

Kirby has his ‘inhale’ power dropped this time around but still retains the ability to take on different powers. Dotted around the levels are little patches sewn into the sky that can be removed to reveal swirly wool vortexes that, when entered, give Kirby new forms. These can range from RC buggies, fire engines (with a working hose), choo-choo trains (where you draw the tracks with the Wiimote), massive (but soft and cuddly) battle tanks and even U.F.Os. Each new form presents a different way to play through sections of a level and serve as unexpected, fresh little slices of fun. Almost every level has that ‘one more go for perfection’ appeal, so they’ve included a handy ‘Restart Level’ button within the pause screen – so the instant you touch that same damn enemy you’ll be averted from punching your telly as a restart is seconds away.

We will point this out in BIG BLACK LETTERS though; there are certain levels in this game that no small child will ever get through without help from (a fairly competent) adult. Make no mistake, there isn’t so much a learning curve in some levels but more of a learning fist that will repeatedly punch you in the soft regions for not having the fingers of a pro-gamer. This hidden evil is confined to only a few select levels though, so shouldn’t detract from the whole experience. On the flip side, it’s good to see they’ve put something in for the more skilled players; although it could be argued that those with the skill to ace these odd levels will never look in Kirby’s direction due to the sheer glare of cuteness it exudes. The last time we set eyes on a game this cute was back on the N64 in the form of Yoshi’s Story and very few ‘hardcore’ gamers went near it, to no one’s surprise.

Kirby’s Epic Yarn should take a regular gamer just 3-4 hours to complete, but there is huge replay value here for those who crave perfection or want to see every level the game has to offer. Also worthy of mention are the challenge levels that will see you replaying parts either collecting a certain amount of beads against a time limit, carrying someone to a designated spot within a time limit, playing a game of hide-and-seek or defeating a certain number of enemies (you guess it) within a time limit. Knowledge of level structure and how best to deal with each kind of bad guy in these challenges are key here, and give the game a much longer lease of life.

We’ll just mention also there was some confusion before Epic Yarn’s release over the fuzzy-felt stick-it-where-you-wanna screen shots. Well, these are ‘apartments’ for the challenge room hosts, who demand certain collectible furniture in their rooms before any challenge can be attempted (makes perfect sense to us!). If you’re a proud Wii owner who’s perfectly used to this level of cuteness, we’d happily advise you to purchase this game for it will offer challenge, fun and charm. This is an amalgamation of lots of successful game ideas all balled up into an adorably soft ball of fun – but be warned, there are needles in there and to get the most out of it you’ll need to learn to float like a thread-in-a-breeze and sting like a knitting needle!