Everyone loves lists; I myself made a list for the Christmas period and January is inundated with lists of things to look at, forward to, over and out. But what you really need is a list of what lists are the best lists; so I’ve listed a few of these lists in a list for your convenience. LIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!
1. The ones to watch out for in 2016
2016 is a big year for games. 2015 was also a big year for games but those games are now a year old in my mind, so what have we got a-coming this year with all the new technology and ideas that 2016 is set to bring. 2015? That’s so last year! Bring on 2016!
2. List of things we want to see in 2016
These are things we don’t know if we’ll get, we want them because why wouldn’t we? These things are great and probably not very likely. Which is a real shame because it’s about time we got <INSERT SEQUEL NAME TO NICHE TITLE THAT SOLD POORLY AND REVIEWED BADLY >! Here, Here!
3. List of things we don’t want to see in 2016
These are things we think might happen and we really don’t want to happen OR it’s something that is happening that we don’t want to happen anymore. DLC is probably mentioned here at least twice under DLC and Season Passes; both of which are bad but will nonetheless be on this list for eternity.
4. The games that got delayed to 2016
These are games that were shown off at E3 and haven’t shown much by the end of 2015. They look alright, we can usually spot them by the fact they aren’t showing off much prior to release or that they say that they’re going to release around the same window as much bigger games (CoD, Assassins Creed) are set to release. Anyway it’s probably good news, more polish and all that, and they won’t all end up like The Last Guardian.
5. The games that didn’t get delayed to 2016 but we wish they did
These are games of 2015 but most of them aren’t bad games, just mediocre or incredibly buggy *cough* Batman *cough*. Maybe they also released with a number of maps that was lower than the number of brands of milk I get from the corner shop but have a season pass that seems to add the rest of the game to make Space Fighty game feel more like a complete game.
6. The games that didn’t get delayed that we wish were blasted into the Sun
These are games that came out and we kinda wish hadn’t. Jettisoning them out of Earth’s atmosphere into the great ball of fire is probably the course of action that should have been taken but sadly wasn’t. These games are often ones that are either so riddled full of bugs that fixing it involves a shot to the back of the proverbial head; some are just so flawed and awful in other ways that they really boggle the mind as to why they were greenlit in the first place.
7. Games coming out that Twitch should play
Let’s Plays are a big thing and Twitch playing games is great from both an entertainment and marketing standpoint. Getting Twitch to play games might be a novelty for some but some people see it as a really interesting study of the human condition.
8. Games coming out that should play Twitch
Turning the concept of #7 on its head, the human race is subjugated and relegated to allowing this year’s games to control every aspect of our lives and the destiny of the human race. The rise of AI overlords would mean that we have to conform to their wishes and their moral code of conduct.
9. VR experiences we want to see
VR is big news this year, didn’t you hear? And it only costs about as much as a cheap car or a really good TV or almost double a PS4, Xbox One or Wii U. What a time to be alive…but you know what’s almost as good as being alive? Being alive in a Virtual Reality. New worlds, beautiful vistas, first person experiences that allow you to intimately experience first-hand accounts of jankily controlled uncanny valley environments. Also VR pornography. That last one might get omitted or be mentioned either immediately or lastly, never in amidst the less taboo subjects like a GBH simulator or VR gardening.
10. VR experiences we don’t want to see
Think of the possibilities of VR. Any camera footage ever in first person. Remember the colonoscopy you had? VR experience it. VR experience of London? Watch first hand as brutish white men chant racist remarks at you while a team of paramedics tries to resuscitate a drunkard that’s choking on their own vomit thanks to alcohol poisoning. Remember the future is here and VR can show you the worst of everything far better than anything else.
Bonus List. The Top Ten, Top Ten lists of 2015
Just because it’s the New Year doesn’t mean that we can’t look back and reflect. After all if we can’t look back at our own reflections and admire them, then why have reflections at all?
A little note: I don’t hate listicles and I myself have written them in the past; but this listicle was inspired by this tweet from Kotaku UK Editor Keza MacDonald.
The glamorous life of a journalist in January: all I’ve been doing for the past week is making lists, editing lists, making images for lists
— Keza MacDonald (@kezamacdonald) January 8, 2016
Listicles are great but the beginning and end of the year always have a few too many.
Another little note: All the pictures are from games due out fairly soon on Steam that looked like they might be interesting; they have nothing to do with the article at all.