iHooy: review

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  • Format : iPhone
  • Unleashed : Out Now
  • Publisher : Braineaters
  • Developer : Braineaters
  • Players : 1
  • Site: www.ihooy.com

WARNING! This review has been classified as an 18 only. This means it contains irony, as well as horrific and appalling language that will offend your sick and/or frail granny into shock, possibly a coma. It also means it contains images of hideous gore and violence (if you look closely enough) that could make those unsure of a career choice to make a ‘living’ (yeah we said it) out of killing naked chicks with a meat tenderiser/car-crusher/garlic press.

Now we’ve got the lawsuit out of the way we can get down to business. So! What the hell is iHooy? It’s a game about crushing zombiez for some reason and taking the piss out of the amerikanz. You know, the people that live in the centre of the world? Well, it’s the centre of the world you’ll be saving here, places such as Bralaska and Utahaha that can’t get through this zombie epidemic without the help of the amerikan hero who – as we all know – is as tough as old shit on a cold day.

iHooy 1

The idea is simple; You’re an American tough guy sent into various areas to suppress the zombie infestation by using the ‘Crumpler’, which is a set of heavy metal doors on either side of the screen that squish incoming zombies into a lovely, pulpy mess. In the middle you have a set of trap-doors that the fat blokes and naked chicks fall through to safety (we presume) and as the infestation runs towards you, your job is to jam at the buttons till the ‘wave’ ends. That’s really about the full whack of it. If we were being cynical we’d say that this game is no technical marvel, indeed, it’s very simple and as the advertisements for it suggest is a kind of Guitar Hero clone with MGS elements put in for the sheer hell (comedy) of it. In its purest sense it’s a button basher, and nothing more. There are four buttons on the bottom of the screen, two ‘press’ buttons and two ‘swipe’ buttons; the idea is as the people and zombies ‘fall’ from the top of the screen, you press or swipe accordingly. There seems to be no real pattern to when or how they appear, so you’ll probably end up just focusing on the zombies because if you let enough of these hit the bottom of the screen, it’s game over. The colours of the game also lead to their own problems, by which we mean it’s very hard to rely on your peripheral vision for the crushing of zombies which leads to a lot of unnoticed mistakes happening too often.

iHooy 2

The plot thickens!

However, we have a feeling the point of iHooy is not to make you gasp at their programming wizardry or their amazingly realistic graphics engine, but more just to have a five minute laugh. The humour here is of a South Park persuasion at its most basic, it’s there for the puerile types, those of us that still laugh at sweary words being bandied around for the pure fuck of it (chortle, chortle) and those who like saving big-naked-breasted-blondes from impaling themselves on large spikes! Saving these types will give you a PIS score. No, really. That stands for People In Shelter, so stop laughing at the back and pay the fuck attention to your PIS soldier, or this’ll all just be a corn-hole, shit-suckin’ zombie fuck-fest! You got me!!?!

iHooy 3

For your efforts, you will be rewarded with a bag of potatoes

And this is how the game will motivate you. Don’t be offended, it doesn’t take itself seriously, and neither should you. This is a satirical take on the traditional American government’s attitude to the world around it, summed up in one little game. And you in particular too, you dumb-ass foreign fucking orphan! So go on, slap down 59p and get crushing those zombiez before they infest the whole of Greenlandia or wherever the fuck it is, and have some goddamned fun while you do it you vacant, wonky-eyed, nob-jockey!

*If while reading this review the thought ‘That swearing is uncalled for!’ has crossed your mind, then we suggest you do not buy this game.

 

3/5

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Written by R.Furie

Ross has been playing games since he can remember and has had games machines around him all his life. He's what we now refer to as "Old Skool" because he grew up playing games with a hand carved wooden joystick on a TV forged from rope and stone. Nourished on a diet of Space Invaders, Donkey Kong, Joust, Gauntlet, Bomber Jack and other various wholesome arcades he has grown to become a versatile and open minded gamer. Favouring the style of open-world games he's sure VR can't be far away, and looks forward to attaching himself to a colostomy bag and slipping into a deep VR coma so he need never have to deal with real life again.

2 comments

  1. binyStar /

    funny review:D Have to buy the game. Is it rather hard? How long does it takes?

    • KrazyFace /

      It can get very tough in places, and sets different objectives for you like ‘save 60 people’ which is easyer said than done. For full completion, this could take a skilled gamer about 4 or 5 hours to get through. Thankfully you can continue where you last left the game.

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